IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Write a letter to a manager whose company is constructing their new office next to your apartment. • Introduce yourself • Describe problems you are facing because of this • Suggest solutions

#manager #company #office #apartment
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I am writing
this
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 letter to express my suggestions on how to plan the retirement farewell party for Mr. Ross .
To begin
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 with, he has played an important role in shaping my career during my initial phase in the corporate world . Only because of his continuous dedication in training me from scratch , has made it possible for me to grasp many complex aspects of our organization. In my perspective, we should organize a dinner party in the hall at the Ramada Hotel near our offices.
Moreover
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, we should
also
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 request the employees to put together a slide show consisting of some photos, showcasing the memories of the
last
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 four decades. We can
also
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 express our gratitude for his services by presenting a thank you speech. I think we can all pool the money , and gift Mr.Ross a home theatre system as his retirement present. Since, we all know he's fond of binge-watching movies and web series,
this
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 gift will be a delight for him . I hope you will consider my suggestions in putting together
this
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 event. Let me know if you need any help. Yours Faithfully, Pranav.
Submitted by pranav.dhawan28 on

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task achievement
Your letter deviates from the given task. Make sure to address the problem stated in the prompt. Here, the letter should be to a construction manager about disruptions caused by construction work, not about planning a farewell party.
coherence cohesion
Try to ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea. For example, you could separate suggestions for the party from memories and gratitude, making it clearer for the reader.
coherence cohesion
The greeting and closing are well-structured and appropriately polite, which is commendable.
task achievement
The tone is appropriate for the context of addressing a farewell party for a colleague, showing respect and warmth.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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