IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some company sponsors sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think that it is good, while others think there are disavantages to this. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#company #sponsors #sports #people #disavantages
Many corporations invest huge
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of money in different sports in order to become sponsors and
enchance theire
Correct your spelling
enhance their
 recognition among people. There are two groups of individuals. The first group argued that it is good.
However
, the second group claimed
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 there are many drawbacks. From my perspective, I support these two groups. So, in
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will
further
 explore
this
 thought-provoking question. On the one hand, there are a lot of benefits for
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 teams and
athletes
 in general.
To begin
 with, cooperation with these companies
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 tremendous opportunities to improve
status
Add an article
the status
show examples
 of
team
Add an article
the team
show examples
 and accelerate
athletes
Change noun form
athletes'
athlete's
show examples
preparation
Replace the word
prepare
show examples
 for competition.
In other words
, sponsorship
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
 a big amount of money.
Hence
,
team
Add an article
the team
a team
show examples
 can spend it on various
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 facilities and all useful stuff for the
sport
.
That
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
mean
Replace the word
means
show examples
athletes
 become more professional and successful.
As a result
, it provides better recognition and
ability
Correct article usage
the ability
show examples
 to participate in more elite competitions.
Furthermore
,
sportsman
Fix the agreement mistake
sportsmen
show examples
 can focus only on
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 and train more
instead
 of
find
Change the verb form
finding
show examples
 additional
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
 of earning .
On the other hand
, we cannot underestimate
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sponsorship. Sponsors can promote harmful things
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 human beings.
For instance
, different beverages or even cigarettes and alcohol.
In contrast
, people trust
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
brend
Correct your spelling
breed
 and believe that it is not damaging for the reason that they reckon that
athletes
 cannot promote bad things.
Conversely
,
athletes
 do not care about it considering the fact that they get
a huge sums
Correct the article-noun agreement
huge sums
a huge sum
show examples
 of money.
In addition
, sponsors who invest
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 teams or
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 event
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
think that they can manipulate them and do whatever they want.
Although
, they can cause disastrous
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
. In conclusion, there are many advantages for
athletes
 who have a sponsorship. Despite that, the advertisements can lead
harmful
Change preposition
to harmful
show examples
 consequences for viewers or fans of
particular
Add an article
a particular
the particular
show examples
 team.
Submitted by slobodanatol83 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: