IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people around the world use social media everyday to keep in touch with other people and get news events. Do you thnk the advantages outweigh the disavantages?

#people #world #media #touch #news #events #thnk #disavantages
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In the modern era, technological advancements, especially mobile
phones
, have transformed the way we communicate.
However
, these inventions have
also
 raised concerns about their potential negative impact on social
interactions
. I agree that mobile
phones
 have led to a decline in face-to-face
interactions
, contributing to a sense of isolation among
individuals
. The widespread adoption of mobile
phones
 with internet access has significantly changed how we interact with others. Unfortunately, these devices have caused people to distance themselves from real-life connections.
Instead
 of engaging in meaningful conversations with friends and families,
individuals
 often find themselves immersed in their
phones
. Social gatherings these days frequently witness people absorbed in their mobile devices, missing out on valuable opportunities for genuine
interactions
. To exemplify, a recent survey in the USA indicated that a staggering 78% of citizen spend at least 5 hours daily on their mobile screens.
Furthermore
,
this
 issue is particularly prevalent among the younger generation they are increasingly attached to social media platforms accessible through mobile
phones
. These platforms have become virtual havens where
individuals
 seek acceptance and validation.
Nonetheless
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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virtual connections often lack the emotional depth of face-to-face conversations.
Additionally
, people meticulously craft their virtual identities, leading to unrealistic comparisons and diminished self-esteem. In conclusion,
while
 technological inventions, especially mobile
phones
, have undoubtedly enhanced global connectivity, they have
also
 compromised real-life social
interactions
. It is crucial for
individuals
 to limit their dependency on smartphones and pay attention to the significant decline of real-life
interactions
 to preserve the essence of genuine relationships.
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Task Achievement
To improve Task Achievement, be sure to address all parts of the prompt directly. The essay tends to focus more on the disadvantages without directly contrasting them with advantages, as the question suggests. Aim to clearly present and balance both perspectives before reaching a conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance your essay's Coherence and Cohesion by better linking ideas between paragraphs. Use a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., furthermore, in contrast, hence) and topic sentences that clearly signal the main idea of each paragraph, thus guiding the reader more smoothly through your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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