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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays, most countries improve the standard of living through economic development. But some social values are lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of the phenomenon outweigh the disadvantages?

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In the contemporary era, economic
development
Use synonyms
 is advancing at an unprecedented rate in multiple countries, resulting in the loss of some social values.
Although
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 there are some negative effects on social values through economic
development
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, I firmly believe that the benefits far outweigh the adverse influences.
This
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 essay will present both sides of the argument to form a well-rounded viewpoint. On the one hand, the rise of economic growth leads to environmental problems, including air
pollution
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, water
pollution
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, and noise
pollution
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.
This
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 is primarily
due to
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 the emissions of greenhouse gases from factories and exhaust fumes from vehicles.
For instance
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, as the standard of living and consumption improves, citizens tend to prefer driving over
a walk
Wrong verb form
walking
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.
As a result
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, there is increased traffic congestion and air
pollution
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, which is detrimental to public health.
Moreover
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, many factories pursue profit, which causes wastewater and waste gases without processing and
then
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 discharging directly into nature, resulting in serious environmental
pollution
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.
On the other hand
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, there are several compelling reasons why economic
development
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 can foster positive social values.
Firstly
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, economic growth enables the country to allocate more funds to medical care, resulting in increased medical insurance coverage and better healthcare facilities.
Therefore
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, people no longer regard medical treatment as an expensive thing.
Furthermore
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, advances in medical technology have led to better treatment options and the
development
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 of new medicines.
For instance
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,
according to
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 a recent survey, medical insurance can reimburse 50 to 85 % of the money for nearly
80%of
Correct your spelling
80 of
 the programs.
As a result
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, the pressure on individuals to see a doctor will be reduced, which is helpful to public health. In conclusion,
while
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 economic
development
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 can lead to environmental
pollution
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 and traffic jams, I am convinced that countries should be encouraged to develop economic growth, as it has several benefits for public health.
Additionally
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, people can reduce their impact on air quality and traffic problems by taking public transportation
instead
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 of driving themselves.

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but the introduction could be more engaging to capture the reader's attention. Ensure that the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and provides a clear, definitive ending to the essay.
task achievement
Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents clear and relevant ideas. Make sure to address the prompt directly and provide a balanced opinion on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • economic development
  • social values
  • materialism
  • community welfare
  • sustainable technologies
  • environmental degradation
  • social stratification
  • social cohesion
  • economic status
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