Today, children play very cruel games. This should be the reason for the increase in violence and crime in most of the world's major cities. What do you think about this?

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Modern

children

Use synonyms

have a huge interest in video

games

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in which there is violence. Some people believe that

this

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can be a trigger for violence in the future.

This

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is an important topic for discussion, and

therefore

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it is necessary to understand how strong the influence of video

games

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is on the child's

psycho

Correct your spelling

psyche

show examples

. In my essay, I want to present my opinion on

this

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topic.

Firstly

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, we must not forget that video

games

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are only one of the elements of entertainment for a person. Some time ago, there were no computers in the world and

children

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entertained themselves with board

games

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such

Linking Words

as Mafia or Monopoly. Street or sports

games

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were

also

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popular, which, especially, helped to develop teambuilding and the tried to be better in a person.

Secondly

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, as now

children

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played combat

games

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with different types of weapons,

such

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as a gun or a sword.

However

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this

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did not affect the character of the child in

anyway

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any way

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. Some parents still buy their

children

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pistols or water machines.

Thus

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, there is no difference between traditional

games

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and virtual reality

games

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, and aggression in

children

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appears from other factors,

such

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as social environment or financial problems in the family.

To sum up

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, violent

games

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can have an impact on

children

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, but it is just one of the many variables that shape their personality and

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

. An integrated approach to understanding the problems of violence and crime in society requires taking into account various factors, including social, economic and cultural aspects.

samedovateacherFri Oct 25 2024

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task response

While your essay provides a complete response to the task, you may want to delve a bit deeper into the analysis of how video games influence children's behavior. Consider including some statistics or studies that support your points to strengthen your argument.

task response

The essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas, but there is room for further clarity and detail. You might consider breaking down some of the broader statements into smaller, more digestible points.

coherence cohesion

In terms of coherence and cohesion, the essay has a logical structure and flows well from one point to the next. However, adding some transitional phrases could further enhance the flow between paragraphs.

coherence cohesion

You effectively included an introduction and conclusion, providing a clear framework for your essay.

coherence cohesion

The main points in your essay are well supported, and you provided thoughtful reasoning behind your arguments.

task response

The essay addressed the task adequately, maintaining focus on how video games could influence children despite acknowledging other factors.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

251 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

desensitize
aggressive behavior
correlation and causation
societal factors
poverty
family issues
parental guidance
psychological studies
individual differences
violent tendencies

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Today, children play very cruel games. This should be the reason for the increase in violence and crime in most of the world's major cities. What do you think about this?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Some children spend hours everyday in their smartphone. why is this the case? do you think it is a positive or a negative development?

In some places old age is valued,while other cultures youth is considered more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. why is this? Do you think it is a positive or nrgative development?

Nowadays we are producing more and more garbage. Why do you think this is happening? What can governments do to help reduce the amount of rubbish produced? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.