IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Many today feel that attention spans are becoming shorter due to the prevalence of social media. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#attention #prevalence #media
In
this
 modern era, there is an increment in using social communication. At
this
 time, many commentators believe that the prevalence of social sites is that they
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
 less attention spans in any work. I will throw some light on
this
 notion. I will support my stand with pertinent arguments in upcoming paragraphs and
thus
 will lead to a logical conclusion at
last
. To commence with, The main reason behind
this
 is
as
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 compared to the present there
was
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 limited sources of entertainment
such
 as television, radio and many more,
while
 there is a lot of enjoyment from the public network.
Additionally
, the usage of social media to available lots of opportunities for jobs and self-study but there is the wrong usage by people.
For instance
, an application like Instagram is specifically designed to provide a stream of addictive videos under 10 seconds in length.
Moreover
, when a person does their work and
got
Wrong verb form
gets
show examples
 the message to divert their mind to another thing.
For example
, As a person
that
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 has happened to me many times when I do work , time someone messages me and I open to see
this
,
then
 I open social networking sites for some moment of fun and I don't know how much time passed.
On the contrary
, There are benefits of using social networks
such
 as getting a job and pupils doing self-study.
In addition
 to that, in today's world competition is increasing day by day because of that we should learn new things every day and it is available on social media in short videos so citizens learn easily and quickly. To recapitulate, I will pen down saying that, I agree social media has caused the average person to struggle with concentration for extended periods
due to
 the manner.
Submitted by gauravkalathiya123 on

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task response
The introduction lacks a clear thesis statement. It also needs improvement in terms of coherence and cohesion. The body paragraphs lack clear topic sentences and supporting details. The essay does not effectively address the prompt, as it does not fully explore the extent to which the prevalence of social media affects attention spans. There is limited development of ideas and examples. The essay needs to provide a more balanced argument and explore counterpoints to strengthen the response.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure and coherence. The ideas are not well-connected, leading to a lack of flow in the essay. There is a need to use linking words more effectively to connect ideas and create a cohesive structure. Additionally, the conclusion does not effectively summarize the key points and does not provide closure to the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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