Some people think that the main purpose of schools is turn to children good citizens and workers, rather to benefit them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
While
the general role of the school
is widely recognized, the deeper debate on education
philosophy still concerns its primary focus. Some people argue that school
is supposed to produce useful citizens and workers for the future instead
of catering for individuals’ benefits. I totally agree with this
viewpoint.
To begin
with, school
, being the mainstay of education
,
is tasked with cultivating a well-behaved and well-informed population. As Remove the comma
apply
such
, it should prioritise equipping students
with relevant knowledge, skills and charisma to thrive in their future careers and, more broadly, society. Since children spend the first formative years at school
, they should be advised on how to tell right from wrong and perceive and react to the outside world properly. Put differently, school
plays a key role in instilling discipline, morality and integrity in the future generations of the population and workforce. Moreover
, schools are to ensure proper training to enable children to succeed in the job market. In the end, education
helps people make a living later in life, while
it also
provides manpower for economic growth. How well students
can integrate into and contribute to society is clear evidence of schools’ success.
In contrast
, benefiting students
as individuals should not be the primary function of school
. This
is because an individualistic approach does not serve, if not distorts, the education
orientation of the school
. Heavy emphasis on individual needs can lead students
to care solely about self-interest, whereby they become self-centred and selfish. The promotion of individuality can colour education
, turning this
sacred work into a commercial commodity which students
buy for their personal use and schools sell for profit. In those cases, schools would fail to realize their initial educational mission.
In conclusion, the priority of school
should be turning children into good citizens and workers instead
of serving individuals’ needs since it helps construct a functioning and harmonious society where nothing else is built upon
.Change preposition
apply
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task achievement
For a more balanced argument, consider addressing counterarguments more explicitly and providing specific examples to support your points. This will make your essay richer and more comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition and ensure seamless transitions between paragraphs to help maintain the flow of the essay. Although your points are clear, they could be better connected to enhance coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured, featuring a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The main points are supported logically, making the argument persuasive and comprehensive.
task achievement
The response adequately addresses the prompt and provides clear, relevant ideas that align with the task.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.