IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Today, many young people spend too much of their free time at shopping malls. This can be considered negative for young people and society generally. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #time #malls #society
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, more and more
people
 choose to go to the shopping stores in their spare time,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 it is more than expected. At large, it does not evaluate positively in order to young adults and
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
. In
this
 essay, I will explain why I am
compelety
Correct your spelling
completely
 agree with
this
 case and what
people
 should prefer to do in leisure. First of all, in
this
 point of view, in modern days, a lot of
people
Correct word choice
and adolesents
show examples
adolesents
Correct your spelling
adolescents
 continue to go to malls
where
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 have lots of shops, restaurants and cafes. The main reason can be that young
people
 go for
shop
Add an article
the shop
a shop
show examples
 to follow trends and buy new clothing and
other
Change the wording
another
show examples
 one can
be go
Change the verb form
go
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
restaurants with their friends or to watch a new movie at the cinema.
However
, all these activities have a negative effect
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 society and they just spend their life
doin
Correct your spelling
doing
doin'
such
 unnecessary activities. They should
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
go to the
book shops
Correct your spelling
bookshops
show examples
 and take a new book which they can easily read
instead
 of
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 plenty of time at malls and join to a new language
cource
Correct your spelling
course
 which has
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 effect
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their life.
To conclude
,it definitely has
minus
Add an article
a minus
the minus
show examples
 effect,
unfortunately
Add a comma
unfortunately,
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most of society doing
such
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 unimperative thing I would like to state that in today's
days
Change to a genitive case
day's
days'
show examples
people
 have to choose the most important things which
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can
be positively influence
Change the verb form
be positively influenced
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their life and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Submitted by sadiqlisara95 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your essay by organizing your ideas in a more coherent manner. Include a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
Ensure that you fully address the given prompt and provide more relevant and specific examples to support your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: