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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the (government should provide (assistance) to (all kinds of artists) including painters, musicians, and poets. However, other people think that (this is a waste of money). Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #government #assistance #kinds #artists #painters #musicians #poets #waste #money
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Some people believe that it is significant to provide any form of help to any artist and alike,
such
 as abstract and graphic painters, music
artists
, and
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
poetry.
While
 others would argue that funding them is just a waste of money. Personally, I believe that
artists
 share an imperative role in the
country
's culture and identity. Financing them will keep their spirit to continue to showcase local
arts
 around the world, which lead to economic prosperity. Some proponents of
arts
 urge the government to aid them in any form as they greatly contribute to our
country
's economy.
Artists
 as we know them have brought prestige to our
country
 even decades before, excelling in any forms of competitions and winning enormous cash prizes,
such
 as in singing, and dancing;
in addition
 to that the works of our local artist Juan Luna , which is internationally recognized that a piece of his artwork worth millions.
Hence
, the ability of resources for the artist would lead to good products that can enhance the chance of being recognized.
Therefore
, many would after their services at any amount.
On the other hand
, there are those on believe that providing money for
arts
 is a waste, thinking of the insignificant value of their contributions.
Arts
 may not be the best-paying job as many would not want to
employ
Wrong verb form
be employed
show examples
due to
 the less demand in business society and its slow counterproductivity. Unlike other professions, like Engineering, Science, and Medicine which are notably well-established in the business field people will not hesitate to aid them financially. I believe that the illiteracy of some people to
arts
 attributed to their ignorance prevents them from seeing the invaluable contribution of
arts
 in the history of one's
country
. In conclusion, others may think that funding
arts
 is just a waste of money.
However
, looking deeply at its invaluable contribution to the
country
 even years before many
artists
 vastly
help
Wrong verb form
helped
show examples
 the government to boost the economy
as well as
 the image of one's
country
 and culture.
Submitted by lsc_00000 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that all paragraphs contribute to the overall argument and are logically connected.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion should directly address the question prompt and provide a clear indication of the writer's position.
task achievement
Provide specific examples that directly support the main points made in the essay.
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