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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the (government should provide (assistance) to (all kinds of artists) including painters, musicians, and poets. However, other people think that (this is a waste of money). Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Some people believe that it is significant to provide any form of help to any artist and alike,
such
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 as abstract and graphic painters, music
artists
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, and
in
Change preposition
apply
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poetry.
While
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 others would argue that funding them is just a waste of money. Personally, I believe that
artists
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 share an imperative role in the
country
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's culture and identity. Financing them will keep their spirit to continue to showcase local
arts
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 around the world, which lead to economic prosperity. Some proponents of
arts
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 urge the government to aid them in any form as they greatly contribute to our
country
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's economy.
Artists
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 as we know them have brought prestige to our
country
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 even decades before, excelling in any forms of competitions and winning enormous cash prizes,
such
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 as in singing, and dancing;
in addition
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 to that the works of our local artist Juan Luna , which is internationally recognized that a piece of his artwork worth millions.
Hence
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, the ability of resources for the artist would lead to good products that can enhance the chance of being recognized.
Therefore
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, many would after their services at any amount.
On the other hand
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, there are those on believe that providing money for
arts
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 is a waste, thinking of the insignificant value of their contributions.
Arts
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 may not be the best-paying job as many would not want to
employ
Wrong verb form
be employed
show examples
due to
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 the less demand in business society and its slow counterproductivity. Unlike other professions, like Engineering, Science, and Medicine which are notably well-established in the business field people will not hesitate to aid them financially. I believe that the illiteracy of some people to
arts
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 attributed to their ignorance prevents them from seeing the invaluable contribution of
arts
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 in the history of one's
country
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. In conclusion, others may think that funding
arts
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 is just a waste of money.
However
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, looking deeply at its invaluable contribution to the
country
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 even years before many
artists
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 vastly
help
Wrong verb form
helped
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 the government to boost the economy
as well as
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 the image of one's
country
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 and culture.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that all paragraphs contribute to the overall argument and are logically connected.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion should directly address the question prompt and provide a clear indication of the writer's position.
task achievement
Provide specific examples that directly support the main points made in the essay.
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