IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

‘Children who have brothers and sisters often have better social development than an only child. The government should therefore give money to parents to have two or more children.’ What do you think about this proposal?

#‘children #brothers #sisters #development #child #government #money #parents #two #children
Having siblings has a more positive effect on
children
 than living alone without brothers and sisters to play with, as
this
 enhances the
child
's social
skills
 which are essential to their growth and development.
This
 led the government to financially aid
parents
 to encourage and allows them to have additional
children
. Personally, I believe that the proposal made people rethink their options since having an additional
child
 is a personal choice and should not be a form of bribery. On one
hand
, growing up with more sibling contribute to the development of the social skill of one's
child
.
While
 living alone as an only
child
 leads to undeveloped social
skills
, which means can lead to social isolation in the future.
However
,
this
 is not the case for all since a
child
, who is exposed to school and friends, has as well developed social
skills
.
Hence
 playing and having friends around at school is a strong form of socialization.
On the other
hand
, providing money to
parents
 to encourage them to birth another
child
 is intrusive. As I believed that having an additional
child
 is a choice that only couples are responsible for.
However
,the acts ensuing money deterring and crossing personal boundaries.
On the contrary
 to the
parents
 who wish to have more ,
children
this
 would benefit them more. In Singapore,
for instance
, the government works
hand
 in
hand
 with
parents
 who want more
children
 by incentivising and subsidising education and health for the next baby in the family, which is good as
this
 promotes welfare for its people. In conclusion, it is advantageous to have more siblings as
this
 ensures a well develop social
skills
, which is essential to a
child
's growth and development,
while
 it does not make less for a
child
 living alone as long as they are exposed to the environment and not prevented to socialize. Albeit, I would argue that it is good for the government to provide money to wanting
parents
 but not the point of pushing them to produce one
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 since pregnancy is a choice that should be decided by the couple.
Submitted by lsc_00000 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: