Some people believe that it is a good idea that older people continue to work if it possible for them to do. Do you agree or disagree

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The majority are of the opinion that elderly individuals should continue to be in employment so far as they have the ability. I strongly agree with

this

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as it will provide them with continuous opportunities to relate with people in society and reduce the risk of

depression

Use synonyms

. I will explain

this

Linking Words

further

Linking Words

with good examples and give a logical conclusion. Senior citizens should be allowed to keep their jobs if they are capable because rendering one or two services

bring

Correct subject-verb agreement

brings

show examples

about social interaction.

While

Linking Words

rendering a supply to someone, adults communicate which brings about feedback, they can from there become best of friends.

For example

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, the grandmother found her new intimate friend whom she usually spends quality time with during her course of business,

hence

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, rendering employment is beneficial.

Moreover

Linking Words

, being in utility

lower

Replace the word

lowers

show examples

the risk of

depression

Use synonyms

among aged citizens. Elders are prone to

depression

Use synonyms

due to

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the process of ageing

as a result

Linking Words

of a decline in the activities of some hormones within human beings when they are inactive. When an elderly man or woman is busy with activity,there will be no room for loneliness which can give rise to medical problems

such

Linking Words

depression

Use synonyms

For example

Linking Words

, a sixty-year-old lecturer was noticed to be withdrawn after retirement, his children got a part-time lecturing job for him in a private university which gave him an opportunity to mix with people and he

came

Verb problem

became

show examples

happy again.

Thus

Linking Words

, it has proven that when elders are allowed to work, they are noticed to be become lively and overcome mental illness. In conclusion, I believe that taking part in a daily activity at a place of work if there is strength for elders should continue because it helps them to continue to be involved in happenings around and the rate of depressed citizens will reduce.

Submitted by oludayotemilade on Wed Apr 26 2023

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph is focused on one main idea to improve coherence and cohesion.

task achievement

Provide more detailed examples to support your points and strengthen the argument.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

302 words

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Some people believe that it is a good idea that older people continue to work if it possible for them to do. Do you agree or disagree

The importance of biodiversity is being more widely recognised as increasing numbers of species come under treat What can be done to maintain biodiversity?

A lot of money is spent nowadays searching for oil. As the world's oil resources will eventually run out, it would be more logical to spend some of this money on developing new sources of power, such as wind and solar. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

studying the English language in an English-speaking country is the best but not only way.Do you agree or disagree with this statement?write an essay of about 300words expressing your views on the statement with title given.

Scientists tell us that some activities are good for health and others are bad. Despite knowing that, millions of people still continue doing unhealthy activities. What are the causes and what are the solutions for this?‌‌

It is believed by many that those read for pleasure develop better imagination and language skills than people who prefer to watch TV. Do you agree or disagree?