Some people believe that it is a good idea that older people continue to work if it possible for them to do. Do you agree or disagree

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The majority are of the opinion that elderly individuals should continue to be in employment so far as they have the ability. I strongly agree with

this

as it will provide them with continuous opportunities to relate with people in society and reduce the risk of

depression

. I will explain

this

further

with good examples and give a logical conclusion. Senior citizens should be allowed to keep their jobs if they are capable because rendering one or two services

bring

Correct subject-verb agreement

brings

show examples

about social interaction.

While

rendering a supply to someone, adults communicate which brings about feedback, they can from there become best of friends.

For example

, the grandmother found her new intimate friend whom she usually spends quality time with during her course of business,

hence

, rendering employment is beneficial.

Moreover

, being in utility

lower

Replace the word

lowers

show examples

the risk of

depression

among aged citizens. Elders are prone to

depression

due to

the process of ageing

as a result

of a decline in the activities of some hormones within human beings when they are inactive. When an elderly man or woman is busy with activity,there will be no room for loneliness which can give rise to medical problems

such

depression

For example

, a sixty-year-old lecturer was noticed to be withdrawn after retirement, his children got a part-time lecturing job for him in a private university which gave him an opportunity to mix with people and he

came

Verb problem

became

show examples

happy again.

Thus

, it has proven that when elders are allowed to work, they are noticed to be become lively and overcome mental illness. In conclusion, I believe that taking part in a daily activity at a place of work if there is strength for elders should continue because it helps them to continue to be involved in happenings around and the rate of depressed citizens will reduce.

Submitted by oludayotemilade on Wed Apr 26 2023

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph is focused on one main idea to improve coherence and cohesion.

task achievement

Provide more detailed examples to support your points and strengthen the argument.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

302 words

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Some people believe that it is a good idea that older people continue to work if it possible for them to do. Do you agree or disagree

Challenge 4 : In some countries, companies allow people to work from home. In others, people are still expected to work in an office. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

online education is becoming more and more popular .Some people claim the e-learning has so many benifits that it will replace face to face education soon.Others say that tradational education is irreplaceable.Dicuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people see sports only as a leisure activity, while others believe sports play a more important role. Discuss both views and give your option.

Some schools prefer to teach specialised subjects to students after the age of 15, while others suggest that all the subjects should be taught throughout school life. What are the benefits of these 2 approaches? Which one is better, in your opinion?