IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

•Some people suggest higher education should be funded by the government, while others think that students should pay the course fees themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Unquestionably, every coin has two sides and so are the
people
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. Society's
people
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 are divided into two groups and
therefore
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 the
government
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 sponsorship of higher
education
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 has become a topic of debate among
people
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.
This
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 essay will compare and contrast both of the opinions
along with
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 my opinion which is in the favour of former view will be discussed in a sensible conclusion. Initiating with the points supporting the first school of thought,
Firstly
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,
education
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 is a basic need for anyone to fulfil their dreams. The
people
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 who support
this
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 say that agencies should support
people
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 to pursue higher studies including financial aid.
Secondly
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, many students are not aspiring for a master's
education
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 because of their financial problems
hence
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 the
government
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 should consider funding them.
For instance
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, a survey conducted in Hong Kong revealed that many students opted for
further
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 studies because of
government
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 help. On the contrasting side,
people
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 who
held
Wrong verb form
hold
show examples
 another viewpoint say that youth should not depend on the
government
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's help to pursue their higher studies
instead
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 they should look for part-time work to earn money which enables them to pay their fees. They believe that the
government
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 should spend the budget on other basic needs
such
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 as primary
education
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 and hospitals.
Furthermore
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, in the present ,world one should start working at an early age to fulfil their needs.
To conclude
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, I would like to say that, The agencies should extend financial support to needy
people
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 to pursue higher
education
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.
However
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, it will depend upon the mindsets of the
people
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 which view they are in favour of.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, but the arguments could be better connected. Use linking words to improve the flow of ideas between paragraphs and sentences.
Task Achievement
Some points are interesting, but they need more detail to fully explain your ideas. Try expanding on your arguments and providing more examples to support your opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure your introduction outlines your main points in a clearer way. This will help your reader understand your argument right from the start.
Task Achievement
In your conclusion, try to restate your main opinion more clearly. This will reinforce your position on the topic.
Task Achievement
You have presented both views on the topic, which shows you understand the discussion well.
Task Achievement
Your examples, like the survey in Hong Kong, help to illustrate your points clearly.
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