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Band 6.5

the table and pie chart show the number of research students in Australian universities in 2001 and 2010.

the table and pie chart show the number of research students in Australian universities in 2001 and 2010.
The table and pie chart
compare
Change the verb form
compares
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 the figure for the
research
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students
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 in
Australia
Correct your spelling
Australian
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 colleges
as well as
Linking Words
 the proportion of their nation and gender in 2001 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear to see that the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of
research
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students
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 in
Australia
Correct your spelling
Australian
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 universities increased totally from 36,849 to 54,081, with a sight increase in the number of local
research
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students
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, and a sharp increase in the number of international
research
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students
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 from 5,192 to 54,081. In 2001, the proportion of international
research
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students
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 in
Australia
Correct your spelling
Australian
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 universities only accounts for 13%, but it rose to 27% in 2010.
However
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 the exact figure for local
research
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students
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 increased from 33,657 to 39,488, there was a decline in the percentage of
this
Linking Words
 group of
students
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 from 87% to 73%. Generally, the proportion of female and male
research
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students
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 resemble, both account for about 50% whether in 2001 or in 2010. In 2001, there was only a percentage of 4% female local
research
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students
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,
while
Linking Words
 the year 2010 witnessed
a
Change the article
an
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 11% growth in it.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 figure decreased when it come to the female international
research
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students
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 at about 8% from 43% to 35%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words research, students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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