IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Write a letter to local authorities by requesting additional sports facilities for your age in your area. Mention about the current sports facilities available. What kind of additional sports facilities should be introduced? How the new sports facilities would be a help for the people in your age group.

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Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing to explain my ideas about your sports
facilities
Use synonyms
. Indeed, I have been using your sports
facilities
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, I am playing table tennis and working out three times a week. Honestly, these
facilities
Use synonyms
 are very nice, because they can be so helpful for me. And
also
Linking Words
, I can use a lot of training machines or a yard.
However
Linking Words
, I am not satisfied with your sports equipment.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, I would like you to suggest some new
facilities
Use synonyms
. First of all, a swimming pool should be constructed, because I have heard from my friend. He really would like to swim in your gym after he finishes working out.
Secondly
Linking Words
, I would like you to put a vending machine. Sometimes, I forgot to bring
beverage
Correct article usage
a beverage
show examples
. These new
facilities
Use synonyms
 could be useful for many people who want to lose weight.
In addition
Linking Words
, it would be very helpful for elderly people who want to maintain their health. I would appreciate it if you could take some action as soon as possible. Yours sincerely, Kazuya Nakagawa

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task response
Task response: Answer all parts more fully. Say more about what sports places you have now, what new ones you want, and how they help people of your age.
task response
Task response: Use a more clear purpose in the first line. Say you are writing to ask for more sports places in your area.
task response
Task response: Keep the tone polite and formal. Do not say 'Honestly'. Use 'I would like to request' or 'I would be grateful if'.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Group ideas in a clear way. One paragraph for what you have now, one for what you want, and one for how it helps your age group.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Link ideas with simple words like 'also', 'because', 'for this reason', and 'as a result'.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Make each paragraph stay on one main idea. This will make the letter easier to follow.
task response
Task response: You answered all main points in the question.
task response
Task response: Your ending is polite and fits a formal letter.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The letter has a clear start, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: You used some linking words like 'First of all' and 'Secondly'.
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