IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people believe that children should be raised in a strong and disciplined environment. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Different people have different views concerning the upbringing of
children
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. I agree to some extent with those who consider control and supervision necessary components of our
children
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's education.
However
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, a strong approach should be applied only in connection with other crucial principles. On the one hand, little ones benefit from their
parents
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' strict attitude in several ways.
Firstly
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, they build a habit of living in order, organising their daily routine and their space.
As a consequence
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, they will be more likely to succeed in the future by systematising their own duties, goals, and priorities more rationally.
Secondly
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, a great number of psychologists affirm that
children
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 have a better sense of security when raised in a disciplined environment. In fact, if they know the exact sequence of their activities, they feel safe and calm. No doubt, they do not have to struggle for anything or worry, but they should do what they should do.
On the other hand
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, an extreme, strong attitude is quite harmful. Undoubtedly,
children
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 do not feel warmth, as they are guilty of anything all the time.
Thus
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, little ones should feel their
parents
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' love is complex with discipline and that they are necessary to them.
Therefore
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,
parents
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 should be vigilant and keep a golden middle between love and control.
Additionally
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, they should speak frequently with their offspring and try to understand and support them, give appropriate advice, help with relationships, and make plans for the future.
To conclude
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,
children
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 should be raised in a balanced environment
that is
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 strong and organised but full of love and support from their
parents
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 all the time.

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task response
Your essay presents a clear and comprehensive response to the prompt. You have covered both perspectives effectively, but make sure to provide a stronger and more explicit stance in your introduction and conclusion to guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
Your essay shows good logical structure and presents a well-organized argument. Try to maintain a consistent use of connective devices to further enhance the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
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