IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think living in a big city is bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #city #people’s #health
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Nowadays, some individuals consider that living in the centre of the city may cause detrimental health issues. I personally agree to some extent with
this
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 statement, which I will elaborate more on below. By increasing the number of vehicle users in an urban area, the quality of air is contaminated with pollution which basically generates carbon dioxide.
This
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 condition makes
people
Use synonyms
 who live in the area getting uncomfortable breathing. In
this
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 case, the worst would be for old
people
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 who are worried about their health condition. If the elderly feel the pollution continuously, they would suffer from lung disease. Living in a big city would serve us to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
competitive
people
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;
therefore
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, many
people
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 feel depressed with the pressure which makes them put a lot of effort in order to survive in the competitive condition.
As a result
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 of that, they neglect their exercise needs which
decrease
Correct subject-verb agreement
decreases
show examples
 their immunity to protect them from disease.
Moreover
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,
people
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 who have small salaries would consume low-quality food.
This
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 situation restricts
people
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 who want to have food with a good
vitamin
Fix the agreement mistake
vitamins
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. More exacerbated, some
people
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 would find the food made is not hygienic.
For example
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, they use their hand
although
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 getting dirty. In conclusion, it seems to me that urban area serves a negative impact on health
due to
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 the pollution and the atmosphere in a big city making
people
Use synonyms
 being uncomfortable to live in there.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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