New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

In
this
contemporary era, it is believed that technologies have
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
impact on the
children
*s free
time
. From my point of view, the technologies may help to develop
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
mind.
However
, considering the other side of the argument, smartphones and computers might be negative for
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
health. A negative aspect of leisure
time
that kids spend with smartphones can be obesity, which is
Correct article usage
a resalt
show examples
resalt
Correct your spelling
result
show examples
of
hypodynamia
Correct your spelling
hyperdynamic
. Nowadays, a lot of youngsters prefer to spend their
time
playing computer games or
chating
Correct your spelling
chatting
with friends,
instead
of visiting
gym
Add an article
the gym
a gym
show examples
or walking around.
Moreover
, It is known that in
today*s
Correct your spelling
today's
world the obesity rates among kids rise
dramatucly
Correct your spelling
dramatically
in the USA.
For instance
,
every
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everyone
show examples
one
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
five teenagers have
overwight
Correct your spelling
overweight
.
One
of the
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
it is a low level of activity. Despite
these downside
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this downside
these downsides
show examples
, a believe that a positive aspect of the new ways to spend free
time
is improved
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
about a variety of subjects.
Thus
, the gadgets that
children
use in their free
time
might be good tools to learn new skills and
importan
Correct your spelling
important
information. Obviously, many people use smartphones to read books,
while
others like watching
videous
Correct your spelling
videos
about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature.
For example
, Youtube
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
is a website where
every
Replace the word
everyone
show examples
one
may post various
videous
Correct your spelling
videos
, the most famous
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
platform where
every
Replace the word
everyone
show examples
one
can learn a lot of skills for free. The advantage of spending leisure
time
with gadgets far overweight the disadvantage. I think that new technologies can bring a lot of positive things to developing
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
if
children
use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
properly.
Submitted by engroutine on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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