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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures

#people #music #cultures
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Nowaday
Correct your spelling
Nowadays
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, with the development of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology,
people
Use synonyms
 have more and more
accesses
Fix the agreement mistake
access
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 to many
Use synonyms
music
Change to a plural noun
musics
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. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
music
Use synonyms
 is beneficial to make
people
Use synonyms
 from various cultures and ages together. In my eyes, I totally
agree
Add the preposition
onagree
toagree
withagree
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this
Linking Words
 outlook.
Firstly
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, it has been argued why I think
music
Use synonyms
 brings
people
Use synonyms
 get-together.
Although
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 the negative aspect of
music
Use synonyms
 must be taken into account, I still think
music
Use synonyms
 has in many ways enriched
people
Use synonyms
's lives.
For example
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, a well-known singer, Lucy Blair said"
People
Use synonyms
 are different because of different cultures and ages.
However
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, the passion
about
Change preposition
for
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 the
music
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 is
same
Correct article usage
the same
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, which
hence
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 brings
people
Use synonyms
 together
due to
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this
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 common interest." It is
thus
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clear
Replace the word
clearly
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 shown that
music
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 plays
an
Change the article
a
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 vital role in improving the interpersonal relationship of different
people
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
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, another reason
should
Correct pronoun usage
that should
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 be considered is the financial reason. As for as society is concerned, the ultimate aim of society is to make
people
Use synonyms
 can enjoy the good thing at an affordable price.
For instance
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, a recent article published in Nelosn Magazine revealed that it is cheap and even free to listen to a song.
Therefore
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, various
people
Use synonyms
 can easily
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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make a good friend with the person who
love
Change the verb form
loves
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 the same
music
Use synonyms
 style. Undoubtedly, it is a clear indication that
music
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 brings
people
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 together.
To sum up
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, I reckon
music
Use synonyms
 is beneficial to make
people
Use synonyms
 together. In order to make
this
Linking Words
 world more harmonious, the government and
people
Use synonyms
 should make a concerted effort to find a solution.
Submitted by 721351736 on

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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