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Writing Samples
Band 5

These days, more fathers's stay at home and take care of their children, and mothers go to work.

#fathers #home #care #children #mothers #work
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Over the
last
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 two or three decades, gender roles are being exchanged as time goes by. It means more and more men stay at home and take care of kids compared to the past.
This
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 may happen because of the increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 popularity among
women
Use synonyms
 employees. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
this
Linking Words
 is a positive development and in
this
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 essay, I will explain it deeply.
Firstly
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, there is an exceedingly increasing number of
women
Use synonyms
 who have been well-known companies' executives or senior Managers
instead
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 of their male
counterparrts
Correct your spelling
counterparts
. Undoubtedly,
this
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 occurs because
women
Use synonyms
 are traditionally supposed to be good at
multi-tasking
Correct your spelling
multitasking
show examples
.
In other words
Linking Words
, they can do several things
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the same time perfectly because of their versatile characteristic instinctively.
For instance
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, proven by statistics, approximately more than sixty per cent of brand companies which have high profits annually, have
mostly
Add an article
a mostly
the mostly
show examples
 female workforce in the USA.
As a consequence
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,
business
Add an article
the business
show examples
 now is aware of mothers' excellent gifts and utilize these genders' power to
developt
Change the form of the verb
develop
show examples
.
Secondly
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, there is no doubt that It is a positive progress as
women
Use synonyms
 are not labelled with
child rearing
Add a hyphen
child-rearing
show examples
 responsibilities anymore which was a part of social convention among traditional people who had insisted on role division
whereas
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such
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 typical stereotypes are not common among modern families. For illustrate, two out of every five parents have changed roles and
wemen
Correct your spelling
women
 become breadwinners which
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 proven that not only does it enhance couples'
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 but it
also
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 has positive mental effects on children and
as a result
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, mothers can put aside a large array of time for both their children and their part partners
instead
Linking Words
 of male breadwinners. In conclusion,
women
Use synonyms
 are
choosen
Correct your spelling
chosen
 by companies because of their Multi-tasking and versatile characteristics. The situation
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
has
also
Linking Words
 several useful Impacts on family
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 which can not be compared to male breadwinners.
Submitted by mehrdad.salahi2003 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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