IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays most people spend less time in their homes. What are the causes of it? What are the effects on society and individuals?

It is true that most
people
Use synonyms
 are outside
this
Linking Words
 era. The economic
issue
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 is the reason why
this
Linking Words
 is the case, and
this
Linking Words
 can be the cause of weak family relationships
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 lead to social problems. One of the most important reasons why most
people
Use synonyms
 nowadays spend less
time
Use synonyms
 in their accommodation is the economic
issue
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in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 which they have to work hard to get more money.
For example
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the latest survey conducted by Bangkok University, it revealed that 80% of employees in the industrial provinces
such
Linking Words
 as Rayong
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and Chonburi
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 tend to work 6 days a week with compulsory and
also
Linking Words
 overtime each day at least 3 days a week. Having said that, economics plays a major role in
staying
Verb problem
keeping
show examples
 less in the home of
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
their homes
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
issue
Use synonyms
 can affect family relationships and lead to social problems eventually.
This
Linking Words
 is because
people
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 have less
time
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 to spend together
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can cause an understanding of each manner.
For instance
Linking Words
, it has been shown that a huge
amount
Check wording
number
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 of children who had an addiction to drugs, committed crimes and were sent to the retention area came from families with economic issues. Parents do not have
time
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 to spend with their children and leave them alone at home.
Therefore
Linking Words
, addictive drugs and committing crimes at a young age can be the result of spending
time
Use synonyms
 with their parents. In conclusion, the economic
issue
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 is an important reason for spending less
time
Use synonyms
 in the homes of
people
Use synonyms
 nowadays, and
this
Linking Words
 can affect family bonds
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 cause social problems.

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organization
Plan your essay with a clear plan before you start writing.
coherence
Use a clear plan for each paragraph and start with a topic sentence.
coherence
Use linking words to show cause, result, and order of ideas.
content
Give more exact and real examples to back each point.
grammar
Check small grammar and keep simple, short sentences.
structure
The essay shows cause and effect link and some points.
evidence
A real example is used to back a point.
closing
There is a close end that sums up the idea.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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