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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that success is the best measure for intelligence, while others think that intelligence can be measured in other ways. What is your opinion?

Some people believe that
success
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 is equivalent to the level of
someone’s
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intellectual
Replace the word
intellect
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,
whereas
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 others argue
others medium
Fix the agreement mistake
other mediums
show examples
 should be considered. In my view, the latter views should stand and I will elaborate
further
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 in the next paragraph. On one hand, it is widely believed that a
Use synonyms
success
Replace the word
successful
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 person tends to possess a higher level of
intelligence
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 because they
usually
Add a missing verb
are usually
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 well-qualified
at
Change preposition
in
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 their chosen field.
For instance
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, successful engineers
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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without a doubt have skills in maths,
statistics
Correct word choice
and statistics
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, and understand theoretical frameworks.
Consequently
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, career achievements, to some
extends
Replace the word
extent
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, can potentially measure their brains as the jobs require complex technical understanding.
On the other hand
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, I would argue that
success
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 should not be the only measure to
weight
Correct your spelling
weigh
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someone’s
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intelligence
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.
Firstly
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, the definition of
success
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 is subjective, some prefer to climb the ladder in their jobs to be an accomplished person,
while
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 others might choose to focus more on giving back to communities.
For example
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, a graduate student from a prestigious university with a high IQ decided to work in remote areas as a teacher with
low
Correct article usage
a low
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 income.
In other words
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, it is difficult to answer whether or not someone is smart only through the level of their
success
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, considering the definition of
success
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 in itself sounds blurry.
Secondly
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, intellectual is not only about maths and numbers
,
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apply
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 but
also
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include
Correct subject-verb agreement
includes
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 emotional
intelligence
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.
This
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 means that it reflects how a person responds to problems, communicates with other people, and handles anger and frustrations.
As a result
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,
someone’s
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 intellect can be measured by their character and personality. In conclusion,
success
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 could potentially measure
someone’s
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 brain because it usually reflects qualifications which include some elements of
intelligence
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.
However
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, I believe that
success
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 is a vague concept, and characters and personalities
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a reflection of emotional
intelligence
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the writer's opinion and provides a roadmap for the essay. Additionally, ensure that the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates the writer's stance.
task response
Ensure that the essay fully addresses the prompt, with a clear thesis statement and well-supported arguments. Provide specific examples to illustrate the points made.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • measure
  • intelligence
  • success
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving
  • adaptability
  • emotional intelligence
  • creativity
  • practical skills
  • standardized testing
  • academic performance
  • capabilities
  • potential
  • privilege
  • correlate
  • hard work
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