IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many museums charge for admission whiles others are free. Do you think the advantage charging for admission outweigh the disadvantage

#museums #charge #admission #whiles #advantage
Every museum has
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 own mode of operation across the globe. Whiles some may require
entry
Add an article
an entry
show examples
 fee, others may render service for free. I believe that charging entry fees will help in the operation of
museums
. On the one hand, when
museums
 charge for admission, it deters the less privileged from visiting and gaining some experience. A lot of people are unable to visit various
museums
 because the fee charged
maybe
Correct your spelling
may be
show examples
 too expensive to afford.
For instance
, during excursions in various schools, some school children are unable to join because looking at the entrance fee and some other charges for the excursion, their parents may not be able to afford.
As a result
,
this
 can be disadvantageous
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
because the visit would have helped them understand so some topics in school better.
Therefore
 permitting free access to
museums
 will grant each and every interested person the opportunity to have an experience.
On the other hand
, it is best for
museums
 to charge for admission as it helps in the generation of funds for maintenance purposes. Some of the generated funds are used to conduct various renovation and maintenance works.
This
 helps to maintain the beauty and purpose of the
museums
 the monies allocated by
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 to these institutions are less than enough to achieve
to achieve
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
this
 purpose.
In addition
,
museums
 as institutions are able to pay their
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
 through the collected admission monies.
This
 in effect helps with the smooth running of the
museums
 because it is unlikely for their
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
 to go on strike over unpaid salaries. In summary, even though charging
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
entry fees may prevent the less privileged from being able to visit
museums
, l believe it worth noting that these fees help with the maintenance
as well as
 payment of salaries of workers.
Submitted by mabelappiahkubi0 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: