IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

As well as making money, businesses should also have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There have been growing concerns concerning most
businesses
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 that are inclined to be obsessed with considering profitability.
However
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, some
people
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 may have claimed that
businesses
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 should play a vital role in fostering social
responsibilities
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. Personally, I agree with
this
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 suggestion since
businesses
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 influence
consumers
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' choices which are related to social
issues
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.
Firstly
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, corporations should set an example, in advance, of addressing social
responsibilities
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. Most
consumers
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 in general seem to follow the company's responsible purposes when they are shopping. To exemplify
this
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 statement, if
consumers
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 buy products from sustainable brands, affecting
people
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's emotions that align with contributing to sustainable
responsibilities
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.
For example
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, Ganni, a famous global fashion brand that pursues an eco-friendly identity and uses only organic fabrics,
people
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 tend to buy clothes from
this
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 brand these days, because using
this
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 brand seems connected to reacting responsibly for the environment.
Consequently
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, I believe
businesses
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 that contribute to social
issues
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 will be followed by individuals to drive them to think of society as a whole.
Moreover
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, these
businesses
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 can not only prevent social problems but
also
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 improve profits simultaneously. Corporations have solved problems regarding education,
for instance
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. By donating money to disadvantaged students or remote areas where
people
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 are unable to access schools, some
businesses
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 allow
people
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 to learn high-quality education,
hence
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, facilitating high standards of living and enhancing the public's satisfaction.
Additionally
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, by mitigating social
issues
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, the loyalty of
consumers
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 and the image of brands will be raised, making
businesses
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 more lucrative in the future. Individuals might be able to consider companies that charge in addressing ongoing social challenges as good companies. In conclusion,
although
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 making money is the main purpose of business, I firmly believe that corporations have
responsibilities
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 to social well-being because they seem effective at addressing
issues
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 as big organizations rather than individuals. Being a socially responsible business can
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
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 our societal well-being in the future.

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Introduction
Your essay has a clear structure with a good introduction and conclusion. However, the introduction could be made more engaging by rephrasing the sentence: 'There have been growing concerns concerning most businesses that are inclined to be obsessed with considering profitability.' Consider rewording it for a smoother flow.
Coherence
To improve the coherence of your essay, try to use a greater variety of linking words and phrases. This will help your ideas flow more smoothly and make the essay easier to follow.
Examples
Make sure to elaborate on your examples slightly more. For instance, in the paragraph discussing Ganni, you could add more details on how the brand’s sustainable practices influence consumer behavior specifically.
Focus
Your essay stays focused on the topic throughout and you provide a strong argument supporting the idea that businesses should have social responsibilities.
Examples
You have used relevant examples and they effectively support your main points.
Conclusion
Your conclusion nicely wraps up the essay and reiterates your stance effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Social responsibilities
  • Corporate social responsibility
  • Ethical behavior
  • Societal impact
  • Stakeholders
  • Profit-driven
  • Public perception
  • Environmental sustainability
  • Community development
  • Human rights
  • Workplace safety
  • Altruism
  • Balanced approach
  • Accountability
  • Consumer loyalty
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