IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The personal information of many individuals is held by large internet companies and organisations. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#information #individuals #internet #companies #organisations #outweigh
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Companies and Organisations related to the
internet
Use synonyms
 hold the population's personal
information
Use synonyms
 in their databases. For some it contributes excellent life for human beings and others disagree with
this
Linking Words
. It is to acknowledge that the modern digital world has been more convenient with appearing the
internet
Use synonyms
 and computers.
People
Use synonyms
 can access any
information
Use synonyms
 or knowledge on Google engine in a short time and
also
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 development provides magnitude opportunities for being well educated and breaking all problems without going anywhere. In ,addition
internet
Use synonyms
 changed
people
Use synonyms
's lifestyles as an example of e-commerce and
people
Use synonyms
 can send money on the
internet
Use synonyms
 to any country in the world without going anywhere.
Furthermore
Linking Words
 for being an
internet
Use synonyms
 user and conducting the processes listed above you need to include your personal
information
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as birth date, family name and so on. In the world human beings who use the
internet
Use synonyms
 their all
information
Use synonyms
 is contained in company centres,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 sometimes
this
Linking Words
 flashes some problems.
Information
Use synonyms
 in a Database could be hacked and used for fraudulent activities
for instance
Linking Words
 it can be conflicting
an
Change preposition
with an
show examples
 individual's bank account and
accessing
Wrong verb form
access
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's
information
Use synonyms
 for illegal processes. In ,summary
internet
Use synonyms
 provides both pluses and minuses and it depends on what
people
Use synonyms
 use it for. If
internet
Use synonyms
 users would operate it for positive purposes it could be more beneficial for our living. In my ,opinion
Internet
Use synonyms
 has more benefits
Submitted by turka2689 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: