IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Write about the following topic: Many people believe the media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#topic #people #media #coverage #celebrities #effect #children
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Many people said that the
media
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coverage
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 of
celebrities
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 negatively affects
children
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. They think the
coverage
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 is too immoral and worry that it affects
children
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.
As
Change preposition
In
show examples
facts
Fix the agreement mistake
fact
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, the
media
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 and their reports have an
effect
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 on
children
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 for sure. It doesn’t mean the
media
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coverage
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 of
celebrities
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 is always bad for
children
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.
However
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, I think the
effect
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 might be bad for
children
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 in two ways and it makes their worries collect. As a reason, the
media
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 uses movies and pictures as evidence,and the pictures and movies affect
children
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 more than letters and
according to
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 the data. The data shows that young
children
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 get much
effect
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 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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visual information.
This
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 is because the visual images are easier to imitate.
Also
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, it would affect their emotions and morale. The
media
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’s
coverage
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 of
celebrities
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 basically immoral and
their
Change the word
the
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 pictures and movies they took forcibly conclude some
violences
Change the wording
violence
acts of violence
outbreaks of violence
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 and something bad for child
education
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such
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 as bad words. It is obviously bad for
children
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’s emotional
education
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.
Also
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, the content about
celebrities
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 is
also
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 a problem for child
education
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.
This
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 is because we should not persuade people’s private lives, even
celebrities
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, and the Immoral
coverage
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 and the people who buy it are
also
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 generally immoral.
Therefore
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,
children
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 learn bad things and try to imitate them. It will affect
children
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's moral
education
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 badly.
According to
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 the
effect
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
media
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coverage
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 on emotion and moral
education
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 for
children
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, I think that too much
media
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coverage
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 of
celebrities
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 has a bad
effect
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 on
children
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 and it must be regulated.
Otherwise
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, it makes it more likely to have
children
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 with distorted morals.
Submitted by z.pfister on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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