IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Write about the following topic: Many people believe the media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#topic #people #media #coverage #celebrities #effect #children
Many people said that the
media
coverage
 of
celebrities
 negatively affects
children
. They think the
coverage
 is too immoral and worry that it affects
children
.
As
Change preposition
In
show examples
facts
Fix the agreement mistake
fact
show examples
, the
media
 and their reports have an
effect
 on
children
 for sure. It doesn’t mean the
media
coverage
 of
celebrities
 is always bad for
children
.
However
, I think the
effect
 might be bad for
children
 in two ways and it makes their worries collect. As a reason, the
media
 uses movies and pictures as evidence,and the pictures and movies affect
children
 more than letters and
according to
 the data. The data shows that young
children
 get much
effect
 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
visual information.
This
 is because the visual images are easier to imitate.
Also
, it would affect their emotions and morale. The
media
’s
coverage
 of
celebrities
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 basically immoral and
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 pictures and movies they took forcibly conclude some
violences
Change the wording
violence
acts of violence
outbreaks of violence
show examples
 and something bad for child
education
such
 as bad words. It is obviously bad for
children
’s emotional
education
.
Also
, the content about
celebrities
 is
also
 a problem for child
education
.
This
 is because we should not persuade people’s private lives, even
celebrities
, and the Immoral
coverage
 and the people who buy it are
also
 generally immoral.
Therefore
,
children
 learn bad things and try to imitate them. It will affect
children
's moral
education
 badly.
According to
 the
effect
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
media
coverage
 on emotion and moral
education
 for
children
, I think that too much
media
coverage
 of
celebrities
 has a bad
effect
 on
children
 and it must be regulated.
Otherwise
, it makes it more likely to have
children
 with distorted morals.
Submitted by z.pfister on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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