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Band 6

Parents should teach children about the importance of money. Do you agree or disagree. Give your own reasons and include examples from your knowledge and experience.

#parents #children #importance #money
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Money
Use synonyms
 is vital in
this
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 society as it is served as the
basic
Replace the word
basis
show examples
 to purchase goods. It is often argued that
parents
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 shouldn’t teach their children
regarding
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the importance of
money
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 as they are still young to understand.
However
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, as to whether it is a blessing or curse, there arises a heated debate among people. As far as I’m concerned, I personally agree that these
skills
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 must be developed by children since they are young in order to be vigilant towards funds management in the future.
Firstly
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, it is recommendable that
parents
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 can educate their
kids
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 by starting to expose their excruciating work moments towards the
kids
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for
Correct word choice
so
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them
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 to understand that the sources of
money
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 are not as easy as they have believed.
This
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 will develop a sense of appreciation towards the
money
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 and have the potential to avoid developing extravagant
characteristic
Fix the agreement mistake
characteristics
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 in the future.
Secondly
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,
parents
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 always served
as
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apply
show examples
an important role to guide their
kids
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 by advocating
them
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to them
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some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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certain ways to utilize the funds wisely.
For example
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, it is worth mentioning that Asian
family
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families
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 love
kids
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 to take responsibility
of
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for
show examples
 their own expenses since they are young
as
Correct word choice
apply
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to adapt as a part of the basic surviving
skills
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 in the future. It is crucial for
kids
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 to develop funds management
skills
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 since they are young.
This
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 fortifies the fact that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 the management of wages
are
Change the verb form
is
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 one of the fundamental
skills
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 in
this
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 society.
This
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 not only will reduce the risk
from
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of
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 facing poverty but can
served
Change the verb form
serve
be served
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 as a safety net.
For instance
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,
a
Correct article usage
apply
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surgery required a tremendous amount of surgical fees;
thus
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, it is a way better to save a part of the wage
as
Change preposition
apply
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for emergency purposes because life is not going to take twice in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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reality.
Thus
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,
this
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 lesson must be embedded into
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kids
Change noun form
kids'
kid's
show examples
 learning journey since they are still young. In conclusion,
according to
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 the arguments and examples given, I strongly believe that
parents
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 should educate their
kids
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 in terms of the importance of
money
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 since they were young in order to produce a wealthy society.
Submitted by coffeelimzhi on

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