IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The number of refugees and immigrants is increasing. What are the possible causes and effects

In
this
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 modern era, travelling has become more convenient
due to
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 advancements in technology. Because of
this
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, the rate of immigration is
also
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 rising. The following paragraphs will explain the main causes and effects of
this
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 trend with relevant examples.
To begin
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 with, the primary cause of leaving one’s own country is the lack of job opportunities and unemployment. Overpopulated
countries
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 like China and India are struggling with
this
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 issue;
therefore
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, citizens are forced to move abroad for a better future.
For instance
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, a survey conducted by Indian authorities shows that more than 60% of youngsters are planning to settle in Canada or America in the coming years.
Secondly
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, people from terrorism-affected nations like Afghanistan and Syria flee to other
countries
Use synonyms
 for safety and a peaceful life.
For example
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, many Afghan citizens applied for refugee status in developed
countries
Use synonyms
 during the Taliban takeover of the government.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 situation has both positive and negative effects. On the positive side, immigration can bring new skills and cultures to society. Immigrants contribute to economic growth and promote diversity in communities. To illustrate, more than 50% of American scientists are from India and other
countries
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.
However
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,
this
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 trend can
also
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 lead to overpopulation, unemployment and racism.
Furthermore
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, the increase in refugees increases the burden on government budgets, as authorities need to provide aid and benefits to these people.
To conclude
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, after taking the aforementioned information into consideration, there are several reasons for migration,
such
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 as political instability, personal growth and dense populations.
Although
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 migration has both advantages and disadvantages, it has significant impacts on most
countries
Use synonyms
.

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Task Response
The intro should briefly state the topic and your plan. Try to mention 'refugees and migrants' directly and say what you will discuss.
Coherence and Cohesion
Each paragraph should have one main idea. Start with a clear topic sentence. Use more linking words to show order.
Ideas
Give real and simple examples. Check that facts are possible and true.
Grammar and Style
Be careful with long sentences. Use shorter sentences to keep meaning clear.
structure
Clear structure: intro, body, and conclusion are present.
coherence
Good use of linking words like firstly, secondly, and however.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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