IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of residents in the UK in 2004.

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of residents in the UK in 2004.
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The graph indicates different spending habits based on
age
Use synonyms
, including food and drink; restaurants and hotels; and entertainment, in the UK in 2004.
Overall
Linking Words
, young people spent most of their money on eating out and travelling,
while
Linking Words
 elderly people were in favour of purchasing food and drink
as well as
Linking Words
 enjoying entertainment. The amount of money spent on food and drink displayed and positive proportion with
age
Use synonyms
, which accounted for 20% of spending in the
age
Use synonyms
 groups over 76
years
Use synonyms
 old, compared to 5% of those
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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under 30
years
Use synonyms
 old. On top of that, the figures regarding entertainment displayed an upward trend among participants who were younger than 75
years
Use synonyms
 old, at more than 20% as the highest in the
age
Use synonyms
 group between 61 to 75
years
Use synonyms
 old.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, spending on restaurants and hotels took up the largest proportion
in
Change preposition
of
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 young individuals, especially those who were under 30
years
Use synonyms
 old, they invested nearly 15% in
such
Linking Words
 perspectives.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "displayed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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