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Band 4.5

Many parents send their children abroad to study. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of the phenomenon.

#parents #children #study #phenomenon
The Migration of students to abroad countries is a common trend in the present scenario. Students are moving abroad for educational purposes parents are
also
 interested in
this
 phenomenon as it provides greater living standards and there are many reasons behind it.
Apart from
this
, a coin has two sides, like-wise any matter consists of both advantages and disadvantages. So in
this
 essay, I will discuss both sides and will extend my support for the latter one.
Firstly
, moving to foreign regions
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 many advantages as it provides a wide range of job opportunities which are absent in our country and provides an opportunity for students to engage in part-time jobs which will help them to earn more money
while
 studying.
Moreover
, it will make them capable
to spend
Change preposition
of spending
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 money on their loved ones at
small
Correct word choice
a young
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 age
itself
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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but in our society, grown-ups are still facing financial problems, there are a lot of unemployed humans in our society which makes their lives harder. That means they are
being
Verb problem
apply
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able to settle
fastly
Rephrase
quickly
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 compared to our country.
In addition
, they are enjoying more freedom,a survey says that citizens are
happy
Replace the word
happier
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 in those countries than in ours.
Secondly
, there are a few disadvantages of shifting to foreign places as it will decrease the population and nowadays, most of them wish to settle in foreign countries,
as a result
, we face a lack of employees in our society. At the same time, aged people are sent to old age homes as their kids are settled abroad. If
this
 trend increases it will surely affect the financial status too. In conclusion, everyone in
this
 world is selfish they are living for the betterment of their life and as a part of - it they will definitely choose a better lifestyle than ours. In fact, the advantages obviously outweigh the disadvantages.
However
, it is clear from the above statements that I personally agree with the migration of citizens.
Submitted by ameeshaaa19 on

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coherence and cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. The organization of your ideas is not logical, and the development of the main points is weak. You need to improve the structure and coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Your essay offers some relevant points, but it does not fully address the specific prompts in a comprehensive way. Make sure to address all aspects of the topic and provide clear explanations and examples to support your points.
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