IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some animal species are now completely extinct. Many people believe that we should prevent this from happening in the future. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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There is no denying the fact that different kinds of
animals
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 have become extinct,
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while
Correct word choice
and
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 it is a commonly held belief that people have to prevent
this
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 from happening in the long term. There is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that the government and society should protect
animals
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 from dying.
To begin
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 with, by logic, every existing, whether it is human, animal or plant has benefits somewhere.
In other words
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, many
animals
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 preserve the environment in one way or another.
In addition
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, some
animals
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 feed on harmful creatures
such
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 as termites and worms that spoil crops.
For example
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, science has not identified all creatures and their capabilities, may be able to cure some diseases or confront attacks on other
animals
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. Another point to consider, the universe is affected by all life on it. It is
also
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 possible to say that playing with
animals
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 creates magnificent feelings in human hearts. It brings joy and develops compassion in people.
Moreover
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, the
animals
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 have helped individuals since ancient times by transporting heavy things, guarding homes and pastures, and even hunting birds and chickens for eating.
For instance
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,
according to
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 a study made in the UK, raising dogs or cats helps in treating psychological problems
such
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 as feeling lonely and depression in the person.
While
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also
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 protecting 90% of theft risk. In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that we must help
animals
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 from disappearing on
this
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 earth and increase awareness of the benefits of the
animals
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 in our lives.

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relevant specific examples
Provide more specific examples to support your main points. Referencing specific animal species and the roles they play could strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion logical structure
Ensure that your arguments are clearly explained and that there are no abrupt jumps in ideas. Transition words and phrases can help maintain the flow of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively address the topic.
complete response
Your essay provides a complete response to the task by discussing both the importance of preventing animal extinction and the opposing view.
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