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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that entertainers are more important than scientist in today’s world. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #entertainers #scientist #today’s #world
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Nowadays,entertainers and
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
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are
Correct article usage
a curcial
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curcial
Correct your spelling
crucial
part of everyone's
Life
Use synonyms
 .many individuals reckon that entertainers rather than scientists in
Add an article
the moderne
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moderne
Correct your spelling
modern
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 world. I partially agree with the statement I would discuss in the following paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words
 with ,in
contemporary
Correct article usage
the contemporary
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 era
Add a comma
,
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Entertainers are part of every individual's growth.Because in present days folk can follow a hectic schedule
as well as
Linking Words
 they are facing more stress and tensions .So, The population
watching
Wrong verb form
watches
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entertainment programs like comedy movies ,web series,songs and many more.
These kind
Change the determiner
This kind
These kinds
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 of activities helps to alleviate
person's
Correct article usage
a person's
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 depression and worries.
For instance
Linking Words
, IT sector workers are facing a plethora of work pressure and tensions so,
that
Change preposition
at that
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time
Use synonyms
 the public watches entertainment programs like listening
comedy
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to comedy
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 talk , and music.
Thus
Linking Words
,
that
Change preposition
at that
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time
Use synonyms
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
Use synonyms
 forget their tensions.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,the analyst more an essential part of
people
Use synonyms
's
life
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,the expert are
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an
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aid to the
persons
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person's
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 quality of
life
Use synonyms
.
For example
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,
the
Change preposition
during the
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 in COVID pandemic
time
Use synonyms
the
Correct article usage
apply
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most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humans using the invention of mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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 because that
time
Use synonyms
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
all shops and school, colleges are closed so, the only solution for
smartphone
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a smartphone
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 like smartphone helps to students
life
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 online
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
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 started through mobile phone ,
then
Linking Words
 the
people
Use synonyms
 purchasing grocery items via smartphone and paying bills through
mobile
Correct pronoun usage
their mobile
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 easily .The
scientists
Correct your spelling
Scientists
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are reduce
Change the verb form
are reduced
are reducing
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peoples
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the peoples
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work load
Correct your spelling
workload
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 and give
easy
Correct article usage
an easy
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 lifestyle
besides
Linking Words
 saving their
time
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.if
people
Use synonyms
 can use new technology they can get
better
Add an article
a better
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life
Use synonyms
 .
To sum up
Linking Words
, physicists and artists are equally important to everyone's heart .The two factors help today peoples
healthy
Replace the word
health
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and quality of
activity
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the activity
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.
Submitted by amilingeorge12345 on

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