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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the estimated number of cars manufactured in 4 countries between 2020 and 2035.

The graph below shows the estimated number of cars manufactured in 4 countries between 2020 and 2035.
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The line graph gives information about how the exports of products in
Japan
Use synonyms
, China, India and the USA from Australia. The units are measured in percentage of Australian export for a 22-year period from 1990.
Overall
Linking Words
, exporting the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
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 of
things
Use synonyms
 in
Japan
Use synonyms
 and the USA followed
Linking Words
similarly
Change the adverb
similar
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 trends
in
Change preposition
apply
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during the time.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the same figure for China dramatically increased and
also
Linking Words
 India has got
marginally
Change the word
marginal
show examples
 growth for
this
Linking Words
 statistics. Looking at the details, in 1990, Australia exported
big
Correct article usage
a big
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 portion of
things
Use synonyms
 to
Japan
Use synonyms
, about 25. After that, imported
things
Use synonyms
 to
Japan
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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gradually decreased every year. Exporting
things
Use synonyms
 to the USA
flactuated
Correct your spelling
fluctuated
fluctuate
 from 1990 to 2012. In the final year,
this
Linking Words
 figure
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
reached about 17
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
Japan
Use synonyms
 and just over 5
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the US,
in
Change preposition
apply
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turn.
Remarkbly
Correct your spelling
Remarkably
, exporting the products to China was very low
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 in the initial year. But
then
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 trend significantly increased and reached the peak point
about
Change preposition
of about
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 30. We can see
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
from this
show examples
 graph, India
still
Add a missing verb
is still
show examples
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 lowest side which was about 5 in 2012.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words japan, things with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 5 times.
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