IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below gives information on the percentage of British people giving money to charity by age range for the years 1990 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below gives information on the percentage of British people giving money to charity by age range for the years 1990 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The graph illustrates the statistics on giving money to
charity
Use synonyms
 to British
people
Use synonyms
 by age range in a 20-year period since 1990. The
percentage
Use synonyms
 of young
people
Use synonyms
 from 18-25
years
Use synonyms
 old,
as well as
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 from 26-35 and 36-50
years
Use synonyms
 old started to spend less cash on
charity
Use synonyms
 in 2010 than they did in 1990.
Although
Linking Words
 the trend among these 3 groups is similar, the first group’s contribution to
charity
Use synonyms
 decreased drastically,
while
Linking Words
 the other 2 groups decreased slightly.
For example
Linking Words
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of 18-25
years
Use synonyms
 old
people
Use synonyms
, who are involved in
charity
Use synonyms
 plummeted from approximately 17% to 7.5%. Meanwhile seniors from 51 to 65 and over 65
years
Use synonyms
 old started to give money to
charity
Use synonyms
 in a greater extent in 2010 than it was in 1990.
For instance
Linking Words
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of former group involvement rose from 35% to almost 40%,
while
Linking Words
 the latter increased from 32% to 35%.
However
Linking Words
, the
overall
Linking Words
percentage
Use synonyms
 of British
people
Use synonyms
, who give money to
charity
Use synonyms
 decreased from 1990 to 2010.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words charity, people, percentage, years with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • charitable donations
  • age range/bracket/group
  • percentage (%)
  • 20-year period
  • British people
  • trends
  • increase/decrease
  • significant change
  • donation patterns
  • remained stable
  • highest/lowest
  • observe
  • compare
  • summarize
  • comment on
  • relevant features
What to do next:
Look at other essays: