IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Happiness is considered very important in life. Why is it difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness?

#happiness #life #factors
Happiness is a much sought-after emotion and some
people
 claim that being wealthy is the best way to achieve enjoyment.
Although
 I would agree that money certainly contributes to pleasure, I think true jubilation can be found
elsewhere
.
Nevertheless
, the role of wealth should not be underestimated.
Firstly
, having a lot of money allows
people
 to have desirable possessions and experiences. Whether it is fashionable clothes, a new car or the latest cutting-edge technology, these items can bring joy as they allow
people
 to feel good about themselves or indulge in their passions.
Likewise
, travelling and eating out are experiences that many
people
 would now consider essential for a fulfilling
life
.
Secondly
, money
also
 gives
people
 freedom in their lives.
For example
, they can move to a more desirable place to live to improve their quality of
life
 and
thus
 happiness.
Furthermore
, they may be able to work, or even volunteer, in a field that they are passionate about but which does not pay well.
However
,
while
 wealth can bring pleasure, there are simpler ways of achieving contentment. Quite often, living a simple lifestyle can be pleasurable. If someone can meet the essentials of
life
, they may eschew materialism. Enjoying the company of friends and family or going for a walk in the countryside can be more enjoyable than the latest gadget or restaurant. Another way to be happy is by helping other societies. Whether it is doing charity work or merely doing good deeds throughout the day,
such
 as holding a door open for someone, knowing you have contributed to the ebullience of others can be very satisfying.
Overall
, a certain amount of bucks is needed to be happy, but
this
 should not be a gauge of satisfaction and
people
 should try to engage more with each other and enjoy the simple things in
life
instead
.
Submitted by denyyas1995 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: