IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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Cutting-edge opportunities in the cities have led to a higher rate of migration from the outskirts to the urban areas. Many people argue the positive impacts of relocation,
however
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, I partially agree and there are some drawbacks that should be considered. In
this
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 essay, I will explain my reasons in detail. To start with,
it is clear that
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 the principal branches of the top universities
as well as
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 some highly recognized industries are located in the main cities. One of the reasons is that The Government has financially supported their development in order to create a megalopolis and increase foreign investments.
This
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 means that since the most crucial advancements are in the urban
regions
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,
such
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 as research, technological gadgets, etc, people desire to leave those rural zones where they were raised and enter into the most competitive zones.
For example
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, New York is an emblematic and multicultural city in which many adults reach their personal and ambitious targets.
Conversely
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, the countryside has been suffering from scarcity and poverty.
This
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 means that farms and agricultural
regions
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 are not receiving enough support, and nowadays, most of them have been considered as derelict areas.
However
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, humankind is not taking into account the importance of supporting those
regions
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 not only because of their crucial impact on the environment but
also
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 their goods, namely fruits and vegetables, that give humans nutrients, vitamins, and minerals.
For example
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, in Colombia, most of the farmers that cultivate and harvest their own merchandise, have begged for donations in order to maintain their products.
To sum up
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, the government should recognize the vital role of both
regions
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 and support them equally, in order to enhance both fields.
Besides
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, green zones and their maintenance will be crucial mainly because of the environmental contamination.

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Coherence & Cohesion
It's great to see your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. To further enhance your work, try to ensure transitional phrases seamlessly connect your ideas.
Task Achievement
You've done well in supporting your main points with examples. Consider diversifying your examples to cover a broader spectrum of impacts for an even stronger argument.
Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, make sure your position is consistently clear throughout the essay. It's beneficial to reiterate your viewpoint in the conclusion for maximum impact.
Task Achievement
Your essay provides a balanced view by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of rural to urban migration, which is excellent for task response.
Coherence & Cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is commendable, with a clear division between introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Task Achievement
The use of specific examples, such as New York and Colombia, makes your argument more persuasive and grounded in reality.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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