Some people think that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters such as food, clothes and entertainment is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decision about matters that affect them. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There are many important topics that most countries are faced with, unemployment especially for
school-leavers
Correct your spelling
school leavers
show examples
is the biggest one. Analyzing
this
problem could show some of its effects on
people
who mentioned,
limited
Correct word choice
that limited
show examples
job offers and not enough income are great examples. I will explain my statement and other challenges that may young
people
face in the essay. Joblessness is a major challenge for school leavers, who are forced to leave school or
they did
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
it with their own desire. Poverty could be a good reason for leaving school and giving up higher education.
This
even m affects their self-esteem and does not
dare
Verb problem
prevent
show examples
them
to
Change preposition
from to
show examples
continue
Verb problem
apply
show examples
studying after all. The
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
that may use these
people
are usually hard with a bad salary in advance.
This
might ruin their chance to continue their education.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
people
's desire and passion to study is a great reason, chances and way of living
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
important for them as well. In today's world, many distractions exist that make young
people
distracted and hopeless.
This
may change their lives and depress them. Younger who do not have a purpose in their lives and see everything as pointless. Lack of energy and physical activities are the other things that might have impacts on their mental health. In conclusion, unemployment is a really great challenge that countries should be worrying about. It is true that many challenges are important too, but
this
could be the priority. The mental and physical health of youngsters should be
concerned
Verb problem
considered
show examples
as well.
Submitted by shojaeinejad_m on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: