IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people say that now we can see films on our tablets and phones and there is no need to go to the cinema. Other say that to fully enjoy the film, we must watch it in the theater. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

#people #films #tablets #phones #cinema #film #theater
Currently, watching
films
 on streaming has become a new standard as
people
 around the world are choosing
this
 way to watch
Add an article
the film
a film
show examples
film
Fix the agreement mistake
films
show examples
,
people
 can watch movies, animations, tv-series which has
shift
Wrong verb form
shifted
show examples
people
 watching
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 many communities. In
this
eassay
Correct your spelling
essay
, I will discuss both sides and why
I
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
explain that watching
films
 on
Add an article
the gadget
show examples
gadget
Fix the agreement mistake
gadgets
show examples
 is better. On the one hand, I completely
agree
Add the preposition
onagree
toagree
withagree
show examples
this
 statement. Nowadays, technology has become integral in life and gives convenient to
people
. They can access to watching
films
 on
tablet
Fix the agreement mistake
tablets
show examples
 and
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
.
Film
Add an article
The film
show examples
 industry has changed to release movies
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
internet
Correct your spelling
Internet
show examples
.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 Netflix company is the most popular platform steaming online company, they make a
film
excusive
Correct your spelling
exclusive
exclusively
 for Netflix
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
.
Member
Fix the agreement mistake
Members
show examples
 can
watching
Change the verb form
watch
be watching
show examples
 movies ,
tv series
Add a hyphen
tv-series
show examples
 and animation
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the internet.
As a
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
people
 can
watching
Change the verb form
watch
be watching
show examples
films
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
everywhere make
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
convenient
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
people
.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 some
people
 argue that watching in
cinema
 is better. The
cinema
 environment provides a larger screen, a better sound system, and a more immersive
experience
.
Additionally
, watching a
film
 in the
cinema
 is a social activity that allows
people
 to enjoy a shared
experience
 with friends and family, and it creates a sense of community.
For example
 Avatar the
way
Correct your spelling
Way
show examples
 of
water
Correct your spelling
Water
show examples
 should
watching
Change the verb form
watch
be watching
show examples
 in the IMAX 3D
theater
Change the spelling
theatre
show examples
 because IMAX
cinema
 has a giant screen,
Correct article usage
a fully
show examples
fully
Replace the word
full
show examples
 sound system.
As a
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
cinema
 can give a more immersive
experience
 to
people
 In conclusion, having considered both
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
show examples
 of
this
 issue,
although
 the
cinema
 can give more
experience
, I agree with those
think
Correct pronoun usage
who think
show examples
 that digital technology has made it easier for us to watch
films
 on mobile devices and tablets (57
minute
Change to a plural noun
minutes
show examples
)
Submitted by sarut.kira on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: