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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning. To what extent do you agree with this opinion? How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

6.0 / 9
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Introduction
Nowadays, many argue that schools only focus on formal ways to learn, and many people are discussing the importance of children to play
as well as
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 learn in primary school. I definitely agree with the idea that most primary schools only concentrate on conventional and specific ways of learning
Body paragraph 1
Many teachers place importance on formal learning, too much methodology, with a strict system, strict exams, with rankings with all the other children and not enough practice. Namely, a large part of minors have disabilities or difficulties adapting to college for the first time.
For example
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, in France, the education minister placed additional courses on the weekend to offer educational games, to help them with reading, counting, listening, etc...
Body paragraph 2
It is clear that
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 it is essential to play and learn in the primary school classroom, because there is no special age.
In addition
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, a part of the students’ needs requires specific attention, and a special way to study.
For instance
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, in the United States, the government established the law A-52 in 2024, by which citizens whose children were in certain educational places underwent a trial called "Let's protect our infants". The results gave rise to creating some rules to offer the opportunity to some people with specific needs,
also
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 adapting their way of teaching with some games, and
finally
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, specific programs, adapted to every child.
Conclusion
To conclude
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, I believe that today, schools are prioritising a simple and only way to study, which is very precise, strict and complex.
Furthermore
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, some people need specific games to understand easily. In my opinion, it is essential to consider the needs of every kid studying.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. Say how far you agree, then explain why play is important for all young children, not only children with special needs.
task response
Your main ideas need more clear support. Explain how play can help children learn to work with others, solve problems, speak, and enjoy school.
task response
Use examples that are clear and easy to trust. The France and US examples are not well explained, and the law name does not help your point. A simple classroom example would be better.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. However, some sentences are hard to follow because many ideas are put together in one long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Give each body paragraph one main point. For example, one paragraph can show why too much formal learning is a problem; the next can show how play helps learning.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear links between ideas, such as “First”, “For example”, “As a result”, and “Therefore”. Make sure each example directly proves the point before it.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear words such as “there is no special age” and “some people”. Say exactly who you mean and what you want to say.
task response
You give a clear view that primary schools can focus too much on formal learning.
task response
You address the need for both play and learning in the classroom.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use examples to support your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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