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Band 6

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning. To what extent do you agree with this opinion? How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

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Introduction
Nowadays, many argue that schools only focus on formal ways to learn, and many people are discussing the importance of children to play
as well as
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 learn in primary school. I definitely agree with the idea that most primary schools only concentrates into conventional and specific ways of learning
Body paragraph 1
Many teachers place importance on formal learning, too much methodology, with a strict system, strict exams, with rankings with all the other children and not enough practice. Namely, a large part of minors have disabilities or difficulties adapting
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to college for the first time.
For example
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, in France, the education minister placed additional courses on the weekend to offer educational games, to help them with reading, counting, listening , etc...
Body paragraph 2
It is clear that
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 it is essential to play and learn in the primary school classroom, because there is no special age.
In addition
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, a part of the students need specific attention, and a special way to study.
For instance
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, in the United States, the government established a law in 2024, by which citizens whose children were in primary high school underwent a trial. The final results gave rise to creating some rules to offer the opportunity to some people with specific needs,
also
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 adapting their way of teaching with some games, and
finally
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, specific programs, adapted to every child.
Conclusion
To conclude
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, I definitely believe that today, schools are prioritising a simple and only way to study , which is very precise, strict and complex.
Furthermore
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, some people need specific games to understand easily. In my opinion, it is essential to take into account the needs of every kid studying

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. Explain why schools may focus too much on tests and set work, then explain why play helps children learn, make friends, and feel happy.
task response
Make your main view clear from the start. You agree, but say whether you agree fully or only in part. Then keep this same view in each main part.
task response
Use examples that are clear and easy to trust. The examples about France and the United States are hard to follow and may not be true. A simple class example is better: children can learn maths by using blocks or learn words through games.
task response
Develop each main point. Do not only say that some children need special help; explain how play can give this help. For example, games can let a child learn at a slower pace and take part with other children.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main parts, and a conclusion. This is a good start. Make each main part focus on one clear idea only.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear links between ideas. For example: 'First,' 'Also,' 'As a result,' and 'For this reason.' This will help the reader see how your ideas connect.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long and have many ideas. Break them into short sentences. For example, write about strict tests in one sentence, then explain their effect in the next.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear words and ideas, such as 'there is no special age' and 'underwent a trial.' Say exactly what you mean in simple words.
coherence and cohesion
Keep key words the same. Use 'primary school' rather than changing to 'college' or 'primary high school,' as these words can confuse the reader.
task response
You give a clear opinion and you answer both the question about formal learning and the need for play.
task response
You try to support your ideas with examples and with the needs of children who may need more help.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear overall shape, with a beginning, main parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion returns to your main idea: schools should think about the needs of every child.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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