IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that it is wrong to keep animals in zoos, while others think that zoos are both entertaining and ecologically important. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #animals #zoos
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It is argued that keeping
animals
 in
zoos
 brings about not only entertainment but
also
 ecological importance . Whether
this
 opinion is true has drawn
a
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significant attention ;
therefore
, in my point of view, I believe that
animals
 should not be kept in
zoos
.
To begin
 with , I oppose
against
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apply
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the denoted issue for some of the reasons as follows.
First,
instead
 of being adopted by
the
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zoos
,
animals
 can be conserved in our national parks for better habitats. To be specific, in
the
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zoos
, the habitat for each species can be limited inside a four-wall small
concreate
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concrete
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 box.
Second,
several species spending their lives in
zoos
 have been losing their instinct to cope with natural danger and challenges. Obviously, they cannot find food by themselves as
accomplishedly
Correct your spelling
accomplished
 as the wild
animals
 can ;
besides
, they do not even know how to find a
settle
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settlement
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.
Lastly
 and clearly,
animals
 must not be kept in
zoos
 to entertain us,
the
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apply
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human beings .
On the other hand
, there are numerous agreements around the mentioned viewpoint . Apparently,
animals
 can be safer
while
 kept in
the
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apply
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zoos
.
For instance
, if they freely live in the wild, especially the newborn ones, they can easily be hunted by predators or even worse,
the
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poachers.
In addition
, to protect them in
zoos
, we have to pay for
the
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enormous expenses
such
 as human resources, food, artificial habitats, etc.
To sum up
, there are various controversial thoughts around the denoted topic which I disapprove
.
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of .
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Submitted by huynhtrucminhthu39 on

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Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • captivity
  • natural habitat
  • artificial enclosures
  • genetic diversity
  • animal welfare
  • conservation efforts
  • endangered species
  • biodiversity
  • education platform
  • breeding programs
  • reintroduction
  • psychological suffering
What to do next:
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