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Band 5

Some people think living in big cities is bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #cities #people’s #health
The population in the city is growing in size nowadays,
due to
 the opportunity to have
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 future,
however
, I strongly believe
such
 phenomena foster various downsides in big
cities
 which lead to health hazards.
To begin
 with, there are lots of advantages
for
Change preposition
to
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 living in the
cities
 that attract people
move
Fix the infinitive
to move
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 from other areas, including more working opportunities and better educational resources, which increases the population
condensity
Correct your spelling
density
 in big
cities
. Not only
causing
Wrong verb form
causes
show examples
pollutions
Fix the agreement mistake
pollution
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 in the air,
water
Correct word choice
and water
show examples
 resources
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but provokes noise pollution. Living with poor quality of air and
conteminated
Correct your spelling
contaminated
contaminate
 water resources could lead to various
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
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,
affect
Correct word choice
and affect
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 negatively
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
raspiratory
Correct your spelling
respiratory
 system and digestion
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
.
For example
, the air quality in many main
cities
 in China is considered toxic,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
due to
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 large number of residents
as well as
 people from around the world.
Moreover
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
noise pollution in big
cities
 is another threat to the health of those who
living
Change the form of the verb
live
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 in
such
 regions, since it could affect their quality of sleep, and lead to mental
stresss
Correct your spelling
stress
stresses
. In
additional
Replace the word
addition
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 a long period of time living under
Correct article usage
a notise
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notise
Correct your spelling
notice
noisy
noise
 environment could hurt hearing ability and cause
cardivasbular
Correct your spelling
cardiovascular
 disease. Take the USA as an example, a statistic
show
Change the verb form
shows
show examples
 that children who live in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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New York
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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suffer from noises made by busy
trafic
Correct your spelling
traffic
 and construction progresses which decrease their concentration and cause the loss of hearing at
early
Add an article
an early
show examples
 age. To summarise, it is inevitable that more and more people will move into
cities
 for a bright future,
however
, those downsides should not be overlooked.
Submitted by unapoya0916 on

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