IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Should museums and art galleries be free of charge for the general public, or should a charge, even a voluntary charge be levied for admittance? What is your opinion?

#museums #art #galleries #charge #admittance
It is believed by some people that the more
state
 has economic development, the less it can be noticed by
nation
Correct article usage
the nation
show examples
. I personally tend to think that there isn’t extra money
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
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 in the context of the
state
.
This
 essay will illustrate how economic growth can change people’s lives on different social stages and
then
 discuss the importance of
permanent
Correct article usage
a permanent
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increasing
Replace the word
increase
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 in wealth. The first reason why having additional growth in
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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 doesn’t mean anything is the total number of problems which are existed even in developed countries.
In other words
, there
aren’t
Change the verb form
isn’t
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 any place on the planet where all people have
equal
Add an article
an equal
the equal
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 social level of life that’s why extra money can be spent on decreasing unemployment by providing new
work-places
Correct your spelling
workplaces
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as well as
 enhancing the minimum wage or dole.
Furthermore
, rising
in
Change preposition
apply
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economy
Replace the word
economic
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 wealth affects the improvement of all aspects of
nation’s
Correct article usage
the nation’s
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 lives including health care, public transport and
automising
Correct your spelling
automating
 public organisations. Turning to the second argument in favour of the significance of constant economic
enhance
Replace the word
enhancement
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, citizens’ needs are growing rapidly
as well as
 the necessity to ensure that all basic requirements will be covered by the
state
. To illustrate, in the Union Arab Emirates most of
citizens
Add an article
the citizens
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 are wealth-being and have tremendous income,
however
, the government doesn’t stop developing the oil industry because of several reasons.
Firstly
, Arabians are considered to have the highest level of medicine which is developed by the
state
 permanently.
Secondly
, the UAE’s government always increases social benefits for locals
such
 as providing free higher education or diminishing the level of poverty.
To conclude
,
this
 essay completely disagrees with the idea of lacking people’s satisfaction by improving the
state
 economy because of the necessity of enhancing other areas in the
state
 by using additional money.
Submitted by dulskywork on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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