Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #health #alternative #medicines #treatments #doctor #development

Traditional

medicine

is quite popular today, and many

people

try to get healthy with alternative

medicine

instead

of visiting a

doctor

. In

this

essay, I will describe whether

this

is a positive or negative development. Health is essential to all

people

. Many

people

try hard to get a fit body and find a cure for their illness. In the modern area, many treatments are offered. One of the famous

one

Change to a plural noun

ones

show examples

is traditional techniques, they claimed it is more healthy because the main ingredients that they

use

are plants based,

they

Correct word choice

and they

show examples

can cure

people

with slight or chronic disease, usually, the healer add some methods to support

Remove the article

apply

show examples

recovery

such

use

Add an article

the use

show examples

of water, pressure, and sound.

Furthermore

Indonesia

has many traditional methods for many illnesses.

For example

, in Java, if someone suffers from gallbladder the therapist will give a recipe to find some

herbs

such

as lemongrass, lemon, and tamarin. All the ingredients are boiled and used as a drink for some time.

Moreover

, to go to the

doctor

people

need to pay money, and it is not cheap.

For

instance

Add a comma

,instance

show examples

Indonesia

Add a comma

,Indonesia

show examples

just rich

people

can go see a good

doctor

In addition

people

in remote areas have difficulties meeting a

doctor

because the

doctor

is just available in big cities and they do not have

choice

Add an article

a choice

the choice

show examples

and go to

traditional

Add an article

a traditional

the traditional

show examples

healer.

This

is a good development because

Indonesia

Correct your spelling

Indonesian

show examples

people

can

use

some local

herbs

to cure

disease

Fix the agreement mistake

diseases

show examples

without

harm

Wrong verb form

harming

show examples

the animals and less side

effect

Fix the agreement mistake

effects

show examples

. On

other

Correct article usage

the other

show examples

hand, alternative treatment is not

clinical

Replace the word

clinically

show examples

tested.

People

sometimes just

use

herbs

without precise

amount

Fix the agreement mistake

amounts

show examples

and

Correct word choice

which

show examples

caused some symptoms like dizziness or stomach ache. For illustrate, recently

Indonesia

Correct your spelling

Indonesian

show examples

news reported a pregnant woman

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

died because of drinking

herbs

made of the local root

herbs

. Old

people

said it is good and giving birth will be easier. But because they did not know how much they needed, they

use

more than enough and caused the worst effect. Traditional

medicine

needs more clinical research to make it safe for everyone. In my honest opinion, I strongly agree

that is

a good development. I am one of the

people

use

Correct pronoun usage

who use

show examples

a traditional treatment and it

was

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

works. Alternative

medicine

is great because uses

herbs

and its effect is less than a medical

doctor

. Traditional treatment

become

Change the verb form

becomes

show examples

more great

Replace the words

greater

show examples

if some research

support

Change the verb form

supports

show examples

it. Not just cheap but friendly to all ages.

Submitted by ieltscuns2022 on Sat May 06 2023

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Fully explain your ideas

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

398 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

alternative medicines
treatments
positive development
negative development
health problems
usual doctor
access
personalized approach
holistic well-being
lack of regulation
evidence-based research
proper medical treatment

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