Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Traditional
medicine
is quite popular today, and many
people
try to get healthy with alternative
medicine
instead
of visiting a
doctor
. In
this
essay, I will describe whether
this
is a positive or negative development. Health is essential to all
people
. Many
people
try hard to get a fit body and find a cure for their illness. In the modern area, many treatments are offered. One of the famous
one
Change to a plural noun
ones
show examples
is traditional techniques, they claimed it is more healthy because the main ingredients that they
use
are plants based,
they
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
can cure
people
with slight or chronic disease, usually, the healer add some methods to support
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
recovery
such
as
use
Add an article
the use
show examples
of water, pressure, and sound.
Furthermore
,
Indonesia
has many traditional methods for many illnesses.
For example
, in Java, if someone suffers from gallbladder the therapist will give a recipe to find some
herbs
such
as lemongrass, lemon, and tamarin. All the ingredients are boiled and used as a drink for some time. 
Moreover
, to go to the
doctor
,
people
need to pay money, and it is not cheap.
For
instance
Add a comma
,instance
show examples
in
Indonesia
Add a comma
,Indonesia
show examples
just rich
people
can go see a good
doctor
.
In addition
,
people
in remote areas have difficulties meeting a
doctor
because the
doctor
is just available in big cities and they do not have
choice
Add an article
a choice
the choice
show examples
and go to
traditional
Add an article
a traditional
the traditional
show examples
healer.
This
is a good development because
Indonesia
Correct your spelling
Indonesian
show examples
people
can
use
some local
herbs
to cure
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
without
harm
Wrong verb form
harming
show examples
the animals and less side
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
hand, alternative treatment is not
clinical
Replace the word
clinically
show examples
tested.
People
sometimes just
use
herbs
without precise
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
and
Correct word choice
which
show examples
caused some symptoms like dizziness or stomach ache. For illustrate, recently
Indonesia
Correct your spelling
Indonesian
show examples
news reported a pregnant woman
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
died because of drinking
herbs
made of the local root
herbs
. Old
people
said it is good and giving birth will be easier. But because they did not know how much they needed, they
use
more than enough and caused the worst effect. Traditional
medicine
needs more clinical research to make it safe for everyone. In my honest opinion, I strongly agree
that is
a good development. I am one of the
people
use
Correct pronoun usage
who use
show examples
a traditional treatment and it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
works. Alternative
medicine
is great because uses
herbs
and its effect is less than a medical
doctor
. Traditional treatment
become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
more great
Replace the words
greater
show examples
if some research
support
Change the verb form
supports
show examples
it. Not just cheap but friendly to all ages.
Submitted by ieltscuns2022 on

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    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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