IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

“In many societies in the world, the population is aging rapidly and this is leading to an unsustainable increase in the cost of public healthcare. A nation’s population should pay for their healthcare provision in the future. To what extent do you agree or disagree?”

#“in #societies #world #population #cost #healthcare #nation’s #provision #future
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays
people
 are getting older briskly which results in to incline in public healthcare expenditure.Some
people
 opine that these expenses should be paid by the country's citizens in future. I believe citizens are an asset to any nation and it is important for government to take some responsibility for its natives. I will articulate
this
 phenomenon with a plausible explanation in the following paragraphs. To commence with, the economy of any country operates on the basis of its citizen's revenue and expenditures. To expand it more, earners are taxpayers. Whatever amount they earn, they pay taxes to authorities in faith that the money will be spent to provide them with social benefits and public services,
that is
 why the masses should not be held accountable to pay for their
health
 problem as they are already paying it through taxes. Paradoxically, some
people
 ponder that voters should pay for their
health
 services by themselves because in today's ,era a layman is opting sedentary life which results in
getting
Verb problem
apply
show examples
many
health
 issues at an early age
such
 as joint pain, asthma, poor eyesight and obesity. In a recent survey run by medical students from AIIMS ,College
it is clear that
 the most prominent reason for getting
people
 rapidly ageing is their poor diet and lifestyle.
In other words
, the masses are responsible for their own
health
 and medical centres are not obliged to pay for their treatments.
Therefore
, some think that in the upcoming ,years individuals should pay their medical bills by themselves. In conclusion, Individuals pay taxes as a token for
health
 facilities provided by the government So, every taxpayer deserves free healthcare for working so hard and contributing to the country's betterment.
However
, only government bodies should not be liable to pay native's bills as it has other important areas where it have to invest that money. In my ,opinion there should be a fixed amount or percentage that medical centres should cover for
people
, the rest should be paid by citizens.
Submitted by raveenagw9 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure all parts of the prompt are addressed adequately and always present a clear position throughout the response. Expand on ideas with examples specific to the issue being discussed. Avoid general or irrelevant examples.
coherence cohesion
Develop paragraphs with clear topic sentences and logical relation between them. Utilize cohesive devices effectively and avoid repetition or inconsistency in your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: