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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of tourists visiting a particular Caribbean island between 2010 and 2017. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the number of tourists visiting a particular Caribbean island between 2010 and 2017. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#tourists #caribbean #island #information #features #comparisons
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The line graph gives
an information
Remove the article
information
a piece of information
show examples
 that the
number
Use synonyms
 of people
visited
Correct pronoun usage
who visited
show examples
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
island
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Caribbean
Correct article usage
the Caribbean
show examples
 from 2010 to 2017.
Overall
Linking Words
, in 2017, the total
number
Use synonyms
 of tourists, and tourists
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
staying both on cruise
ships
Use synonyms
 and
an
Change preposition
on an
show examples
island
Use synonyms
 of
Correct article usage
the
show examples
Caribbean
incresed
Correct your spelling
increased
 rather
than in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 2010.
According to
Linking Words
 the line graph, the total
Use synonyms
visitors
Correct quantifier usage
number of visitors
show examples
 grew up from
1million
Correct your spelling
1 million
 to 3.5
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
.
Also
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of people who were staying on cruise
ships
Use synonyms
 started between 0 and 0.5
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 and it
also
Linking Words
suprisingly
Correct your spelling
surprisingly
 reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the point of 2
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, the
tourists
Correct quantifier usage
number of tourists
show examples
 who went to
Caribbean
Correct article usage
the Caribbean
show examples
 by
Use synonyms
ships
Fix the agreement mistake
ship
show examples
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
slightly decreased between 2011 and 2012, from 0.5 to 0.25.
In addition
Linking Words
,
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
 who
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
visited by staying on
Use synonyms
island
Add an article
the island
show examples
 showed no
differents
Correct your spelling
different
show examples
 between 2010 and 2011, it was recorded
0.75
Change preposition
at 0.75
show examples
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
. Plus, it had no
chages
Correct your spelling
changes
 from 2013 to 2015, it recorded 1.5
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
visitors
Use synonyms
, and a little bit declined to 1.25
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
, but it bounced to 1.5
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in 2017. From the graph, the most significantly increased point was the total
number
Use synonyms
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
 and in
turns
Fix the agreement mistake
turn
show examples
,
visitors
Use synonyms
 who were staying on cruise
ships
Use synonyms
 and
stying
Correct your spelling
staying
show examples
 on an
island
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the least
rises
Fix the agreement mistake
rise
show examples
 was seen in
visiotrs
Correct your spelling
visitors
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
staying on an
island
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by nursemk1991 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, island, ships, visitors, millions with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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