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Band 6.5

It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environments, such as the South pole. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#scientists #tourists #travel #environments #pole #development
In today’s complex world, numerous issues and topics are subject to debate. One
such
topic
 is whether should a visitor be allowed to travel across remote natural environments. Every
topic
 indeed has its own set of
advantages
 and
disadvantages
 the benefits of a
topic
 outweigh the drawbacks.
This
 essay will explore the various
advantages
 and demonstrate why they hold a greater significance compared to
disadvantages
.
To begin
 with, one prominent advantage of the
topic
 is that travelling across unexplored environmental locations can help to discover new scientific innovations. Scientists believe that there are many things which are not explored on the Earth and visiting
such
 places can be beneficial for innovations.
For example
, there are possibilities of discovering new elements, wildlife, innovation and new scientific theories.
Thus
, it can play a pivotal role in getting solutions to current environmental issues. Despite the
advantages
 of exploring a new
place
, has several
disadvantages
. One notable drawback is, that accessing new places can ruin the
environment
 and
also
 it can be harmful for the visitor. Humans are very fond of travelling to
a new locations
Correct the article-noun agreement
a new location
new locations
show examples
 and it may tend to spread pollution as the
place
 can be filled with plastic waste and
hence
 it may degrade the
environment
as well as
 a new location can consist of lots of dangers.
For instance
, new wildlife might harm the visitors and the
environment
 might not be suitable for some visitors.
Although
 visiting unexplored locations has its drawbacks, the
advantages
 are more significant.
This
 is because polluting the
environment
 can be fixed by imposing some restrictions and laws in the area. Laws
such
 as banning the use of plastic and restricting the things which spread air pollution.
Therefore
, with proper measures in
place
, the positive impact of travelling across a remote environmental
place
 can be harnessed, making it a valuable tool in today’s interconnected world. In conclusion, accessing an unexplored location has its
disadvantages
such
 as polluting the
environment
, but the
advantages
 offers are undeniable.
Therefore
, it is evident that the advantage of visiting
such
 kind of
place
 outweigh the
disadvantages
, reinforcing its importance in our modern society.
Submitted by adarsh.deore12322 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that your essay remains directly relevant to the question posed. The discussion appears to waver slightly off-topic by discussing very general advantages and disadvantages rather than focusing on the specifics of traveling to the South Pole or similar remote natural environments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing appropriately to enhance the logical flow of your essay. This will help in building a stronger argument and in guiding the reader through your points with increased clarity.
Task Achievement
While you have presented main points, they require further development and support through relevant, specific examples directly related to the topic. General examples weaken the argument and examples that are more specific to the question would enhance the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Conclusions should succinctly summarize the main points of the essay, reinforcing the writer's position. Ensure that the conclusion is consistent with the arguments presented and does not introduce new concepts or unsounded assertions.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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