IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

‘Everybody should donate a fixed amount of their income to support charity.’ How far do you share this viewpoint?

#‘everybody #amount #income #support #charity
In
this
 era, poor
people
 could be ignored sometimes by the society. In
this
case
, there are charities to help these
people
 out.
People
 could even have a role in
this
 by giving a fixed amount of their income to these organizations it seems to me that these donations not going to be helpful in
this
case
, and I’ll explain why in
this
 essay.
Firstly
, these fixed donations could get in the way of the success of each person individually. If these fixed amounts of money of their income get saved, they could pile up and count as an investment in the future. Which could lead to taking them to another level of education, opportunities for their jobs, and
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 life. Since
this
 sum is collected, leads
people
 to be more brave and accurate in their specific state of mind, which in
this
case
 they could turn into the next leader. As an example could be seen that the very first succeeded person
approach
Wrong verb form
approached
show examples
this
 attitude.
This
 resulted in their today victory by not donating anything to charity. A second negative factor is the whole question of manner. By
this
 we mean that these charities could develop their expectations from normal citizens, who get paid most often very low, to donate monthly.
This
 could result in them asking for higher donations in the future which could make
people
 the only ones to help these organizations. In some points, it could give the feeling of stealing. There indeed are some positives to donating a fixed income to charity, most notably the help that would be given to these human beings and make the world a better place. Despite
this
, it seems that for most
people
, these pleasures are outweighed by issues that can cause not having progress and getting insulted. In conclusion, the problems of having a simple and poor life and getting steeled and offended continuously combine to make
this
 effort to donate to charity challenging.
This
 is not to say that all
people
 suffer and feel
this
 way, but it appears to be the
case
 very frequently.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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task response
Your essay provides a somewhat relevant response to the prompt, but the argument lacks clarity and fails to address all aspects of the issue. Ensure that your response directly addresses the central issue and presents a clear position throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they lack clarity and depth. Try to introduce the topic more clearly in the introduction and summarize your position more effectively in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The main points are somewhat supported with examples, but the overall structure and flow of ideas is unclear and lacks coherence. Use transitional phrases and logical progression of ideas to improve the overall coherence of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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