Some people think children nowadays have too much freedom. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In today’s world, young people are given more
various
opportunities and accessibilities to different settings than ever before. They are able to explore and develop strengths from a young age. In my opinion, I agree with the idea that children have too much freedom nowadays despite the heavy academic workload.
Correct word choice
apply
Firstly
, technological innovation has successfully steered us towards an optimal and convenient lifestyle. Younger people have faster access to Linking Words
advance
educational resources for information to expand their knowledge. Replace the word
advanced
For instance
, unlike in the past few decades, people may have to browse through physical books to satisfy learning requirements which can be monotonous and time-consuming. Linking Words
On the contrary
, teenagers in recent times are provided with cutting-edge technology to increase productivity and efficiency. Linking Words
As a result
, more time can be allocated for other activities, Linking Words
such
as reading magazines, engaging in physical activities or travelling widely.
Linking Words
Secondly
, juveniles may spend more time on other activities under less parental supervision. In the modern world, adults are too busy with their professional and work Linking Words
setting
to spare some moments to pay attention to their kids. Replace the word
settings
For example
, many parents are leading hectic lifestyles in order to earn more money to support their families. Linking Words
Due to
the rising cost of living, they have to work hard to make ends meet. In the pursuit of money, they tend to forget that they have another role to play, which is to educate their children. Linking Words
Consequently
, teenagers with poor self-discipline and self-resilience may have more free hours for playing without proper supervision from their adults.
Linking Words
On the other hand
, teenagers nowadays receive a lot of pressure from their counterparts at school Linking Words
as well as
from academic stress. Children are expected to be outstanding in Linking Words
this
competitive world and they might have to devote themselves to accomplishing academic success in order to secure a high-paying employment in the future. To illustrate, many of them sacrifice their leisure time to strengthen their knowledge of certain subjects at school for fear that a failure in a subject may have an adverse implication on their academic records. Linking Words
Therefore
, every moment seems to be precious for them to make a sound preparation to enjoy a fruitful future.
In a nutshell, I agree to a large extent that offspring nowadays have more freedom with the help of advanced technology and lack of supervision from their adults, Linking Words
although
academic pressure may take up most of their free moment.Linking Words
Submitted by jiayihan4 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task response
Ensure that each body paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the prompt in detail. Provide more specific examples to support your points and make sure they are directly relevant to the question.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is generally clear, but ensure that your ideas are connected cohesively within and between paragraphs. Use transition words and phrases to show the relationships between your ideas.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.