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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many customs and traditional ways of behaviors are no longer relevant to the modern life and no worth keeping. Do you agree or disagree?

Some
people
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 argue that many traditional
customs
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 and behaviours have been updated in the modern
world
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 and should be abandoned.
However
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, I completely disagree with
this
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 point of view and believe those traditional
customs
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 deserve to be kept. The main reason why most traditional
customs
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 are worth keeping is that they are still useful in the modern
world
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.
While
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 some traditional
customs
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including
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, including
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 unconditionally following policies made by the
king
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king,
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 have been replaced by the democratic political system, there are still quite some traditional
customs
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 that adapt well to modern society.
For example
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,
people
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 in east asian countries are still used to shaking hands when they meet new friends or business partners, which has been followed for more than 1000 years and is still a great way to help quickly establish friendship or business cooperation.
Consequently
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, those kinds of traditional
customs
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 should be kept. Another important reason for keeping certain traditional
customs
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 and behaviours is that they are essential records of human
history
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.
For instance
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, in the Western
world
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,
people
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 celebrate Christmas
and
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, and
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 in many countries in East Asia and Southeast Asia
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such
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, such
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 as China and Vietnam,
people
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 celebrate Lunar New Year, which gathers family members together and reminds
people
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 of the
history
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 of their ancestors. These traditional
customs
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 have built a bridge between modern
civilization
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civilisation
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 and ancient
history
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, which is a priceless treasure in human
beingsโ€™
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apply
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history
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.
Therefore
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, it is important to preserve some traditional
customs
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. In conclusion,
although
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 some outdated traditional
customs
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 deserve to be abandoned in the modern
world
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, I firmly believe that some traditional
customs
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 are vital parts of human
history
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 and are still applicable in modern society and
thus
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 should be kept.

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structure
Make the main idea of each paragraph clear in the first line.
content
Use simple and clear examples and explain them.
grammar
Check the grammar; keep the sentences short and easy.
accuracy
Be careful with facts; avoid wrong or doubtful claims.
tone
Keep a steady tone and not too strong.
cohesion
Link ideas well with simple words like and, also, but, so, for example.
strength
Clear view and strong start
strength
Good use of examples
strength
Well organized with a clear ending
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