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Band 5

Some people say that to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus more on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #illness #disease #governments #focus #pollution
In today's world, it is believed that there are a lot of
people
 who think that the government should increase the level of air
polution
Correct your spelling
pollution
 and solve problems with housing because it is
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 way to
preven
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prevent
 illnesses. In my opinion, as there are a variety of
diseases
 that are
resalted
Correct your spelling
resulted
show examples
 from
bed
Correct your spelling
bad
show examples
 environment and poor leaving infrastructure, it is a good idea.  One reason to support my opinion is that air and water have a significant impact on
people
's health because all
off
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of
show examples
people
 need it to stay alive.
Moreover
, humanity should try to save
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 in good conditions if
people
 want to care about future generations.
For instance
,
according to
 new research, which was
writed
Correct your spelling
written
show examples
 in the USA, genetic
diseases
 are more common in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
areas with high
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 of plants and roads.  Another reason to support my point of view is that there are some areas on the planet where
people
 does not have enough money to build
home
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a home
show examples
 with comfortable facilities. It is known that some
of
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apply
show examples
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
does
Change the verb form
do
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 not have access to traditional
beathrooms
Correct your spelling
bathrooms
 and even pure water.
Thus
, because they may not wash their food, it resulted in different illnesses. For
examle
Correct your spelling
example
, in South Africa, where numerous
people
 have poor facilities in
ther
Correct your spelling
their
 houses, a lot of kids die before their first birthday
due to
infectiones
Correct your spelling
infectious
infections
diseases
. 
To sum up
, I believe that the government should focus on
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
polutions
Correct your spelling
pollution
pollutions
 and housing problems because it will help prevent a lot of genetic illnesses in the future and
also
 will safe
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
 some
of
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apply
show examples
people
Add an article
the people
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 from contagious
diseases
.
Submitted by engroutine on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive healthcare
  • environmental regulations
  • respiratory diseases
  • public health policies
  • sanitation facilities
  • urban planning
  • communicable diseases
  • socio-economic factors
  • sustainable development
  • government intervention
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • industrial emissions
  • air quality index
  • affordable housing
  • mental wellbeing
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