IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that the government should spend money to create more art such as paintings and statues in cities to make them a better place to live to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #money #art #paintings #statues #cities #place
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is argued that as paintings and sculptures are essential for the city's development to be a better place for living, the government should spend more budget on them.
However
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 I believe that
such
Linking Words
 cities are beneficial, I agree that infrastructure development is another major requirement for a good living area.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, arts and crafts have played a crucial role in displaying a
country
Use synonyms
's current facts and history. Renowned sculptor and artist can do their works on the roadside walls to create
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
awareness among the nation.
For instance
Linking Words
, global warming,gender equality or any global issues can be portrayed, and,
hence
Linking Words
, people can know about the concerns.
Additionally
Linking Words
, paintings that present historical events have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
great value because local people and
also
Linking Words
 foreign visitors will get an opportunity to know about the events and their worth.
Therefore
Linking Words
,governments need to fund those painters and crafters to promote more heritage value, since they create a city more attractive and can be helpful to boost the economy.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, infrastructure advancement has its own significance because if a
country
Use synonyms
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not provide safety and job security,
then
Linking Words
 it
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 no longer be a happy
country
Use synonyms
. Many believe that social development is one of the main developments for a state.
For example
Linking Words
,when citizens get sufficient scopes for their jobs and high salaries,they can create more strength for their
country
Use synonyms
. On top of that, updated transportation is another major concern. People want their journey quick and easy without any delay.
In other words
Linking Words
,busy hectic transport can kill the
country
Use synonyms
's economy by wasting huge time and fuel. In conclusion,even though art and statues are essential for the
contry's
Correct your spelling
country's
images
Fix the agreement mistake
image
show examples
, it is undeniable that infrastructure improvement
also
Linking Words
 has its own benefits for better living space.
Submitted by bipashaa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Attempt to provide more specific examples to further illustrate your arguments. This could enhance your points and make them more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a balance between discussing the benefits of art and infrastructure to strengthen the discussion. Currently, infrastructure seems to be presented more strongly compared to art.
task achievement
Make sure all the parts of the question are addressed equally to fully meet the task requirements. The discussion around art could be expanded to reflect its importance more.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a well-structured introduction and conclusion, which successfully frame the discussion.
task achievement
You provided relevant points about the significance of art in cities and linked it well to cultural and educational values.
coherence cohesion
Good coherence and logical flow between paragraphs, making it easy to follow the argument presented.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: